Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on a Sunday morning. Unfortunately for you, that means you can’t just click on the first Google AI result for “father’s day gift” and pay $200 for same-day shipping. So what do you get for the guy who has and does, well, at least some things?
1. A Beer
Dads like beer, I think. Homer Simpson drinks beer. So does Peter Griffin. Your dad can pretend to know how to serve up a mean steak with a nice cold one wrapped in a free koozie you almost threw away, even though you both know he’ll never touch the grill.
2. A Mug
Fun fact: dads also drink things other than beer. Maybe he won’t go outside or anywhere in the house that’s not the kitchen or his office, but at least when he needs a nice, lukewarm cup of black coffee, your dad can pick between one of a thousand “World’s Best Dad” mugs. Not every dad can be the world’s best, but you know your dad is firmly somewhere in the top 10, and that’s what counts.
3. Socks
Your dad might not be the type to start his Sunday with an 8 a.m. tee time or a lawn mower, but let him know he should get out of the house from time to time with a new pair of socks that he can wear ‘till they fall apart. You never got over that time he got you socks for Christmas instead of a Nintendo Switch when you were 11, so now’s the perfect time to repay his kindness! Who needs a new watch, anyways?
4. A Ride To Costco
Other fathers bond with their kids by going fishing on a nice sunny day. Boring! Nothing says “Happy Father’s Day” like a mutually silent ride to Costco. Your dad’s not the master of the seas, but he can be the master of roaming the aisles and collecting so many boxes of bulk items you’d think he was prepping for the apocalypse. I give this idea five big booms.
5. Some Peace And Quiet For Once In His Goddamn Life
Even though you’re not entirely sure what he does, you know he does do Something. Give your dad a nice break by giving him a quiet day at home where he can break the silence on his own terms: by taking a nap and snoring so loud it wakes the whole neighborhood up.
