WESTWOOD — In a declaration made to her life sciences study group last week, first-year nursing student Amanda Stein made it clear that because she was an “A” student in high school, she is confident that she will maintain her prestigious GPA into and throughout her college years. “I am so pleased to announce that I bought these great colorful pens for class. My professor talked about the syllabus today, so I really wanted to take good notes on that. The new pens combined with my bullet journaling are sure to guarantee me a 4.0,” said Stein while ignoring her optional homework practice set in favor of meticulously color-coding her calendar. “I’ve been shaking all my professors’ hands after class because my dad said that networking is 99 percent of success.” At press time, Stein was observed attending her biology office hours, not because she wanted to ask any questions, but “just to chat.”
About Kylie Kinne 15 Articles
Kylie Kinne is a fourth-year physics major from San Antonio, Texas. When she’s not writing satirical news, she enjoys piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape.