New York Times Endorses Festering Corpse Of George McGovern For President
NEW YORK — The New York Times editorial board made the unexpected choice Sunday to endorse George McGovern, failed 1972 presidential candidate and rotting corpse, […]
Report: Whistleblower Not Actually Man Blowing Whistle
WASHINGTON, D.C — In light of President Donald Trump’s ongoing impeachment process, it has been brought to the attention of the general public that a […]
Feminist Hero Comments “OMG!!!” On Female Acquaintance’s Instagram Photo
LOS ANGELES — In the name of advancing women’s equality, feminist hero Serena Colli commented “OMG!!!” on a female acquaintance’s photo. “I don’t even know […]
Teen “Born In The Wrong Generation” Would Have Been Totally Obliterated By Spanish Flu
BEVERLY HILLS — After watching the first half hour of The Great Gatsby, area teen KayeTee Collins declared that she was “born in the wrong […]
Facebook Post Of Crying Lady Liberty Prevents War With Iran
PORTLAND, OR — The nation breathed a collective sigh of relief on Tuesday when area mom Sharon Johnson posted a JPEG of the Statue of […]
Australian Fire Update
In lieu of impending ecological collapse, UCLA continues to closely monitor the New South Wales Bushfires in accordance with the Australian government. There are currently […]
Biden Cautions Voters To Not Let Their Dreams Become Reality
CEDAR RAPIDS — At a campaign stop in Iowa on Thursday, former Vice President and Democratic hopeful Joe Biden cautioned voters to not let their […]
UCLA Changes Zero Waste Initiative To Zero Waste Receptacles Initiative
WESTWOOD — After realizing that their Zero Waste Initiative was not going to be accomplished by 2020, UCLA Sustainability has revised their goal into the […]
Seven Neat Ways To Actually MAKE Money This Holiday Season
Yes, it’s that time of year again! A time of joy and cheer, a time of love and family, and above all, a time of […]
Student Munches Lunch at Bunche
WESTWOOD — Imprudent third year theater student Daniel Dent munches crunchy lunch inside of Bunche. “I know it’s ambitious, and a bit suspicious, but my […]