BEVERLY HILLS — After watching the first half hour of The Great Gatsby, area teen KayeTee Collins declared that she was “born in the wrong generation,” seemingly oblivious to the fact that she would have likely succumbed to Spanish Flu before the age of twelve. “I mean, the music, the people — I just have this feeling I was meant to be alive during the Roaring Twenties, you know?” proclaimed Collins, blissfully unaware that her overall anatomy and general hygiene would have all but ensured her spot among those fifty million unfortunate victims ravaged by the global pandemic. “I’d find myself a handsome husband like Jay Gatsby and live happily ever after, I assume. I haven’t finished the movie yet.” In a silver lining for Collins, her survival into adulthood — however unlikely — would have earned her a solid few years of unabated prosperity before being unceremoniously plunged into destitution by the stock market crash of 1928.
