Tucker Carlson Applies For Job At Daily Bruin
WESTWOOD — Emails leaked this morning revealed that Tucker Carlson has been making pleas for a permanent position at the Daily Bruin. “The woke mob […]
Trend Watch! Places In Los Angeles Everyone Should Projectile Vomit At Least Once
Leaving LA for summer? Or maybe forever? Before you go, use our recs to leave your mark all over Tinsel Town. Here’s every place in […]
Guy Holding Gene Block’s Voodoo Doll Ups Athletics Budget Again
WESTWOOD — Local scalawag and marionette enthusiast Gepetto Johnson, who is the proud owner of Gene Block’s voodoo doll, made it increase the athletics budget […]
White House Establishes Federal Holiday Honoring The Girls Trip Making It Out Of The Group Chat
WASHINGTON DC— President Biden, upon receiving word that Tammy from San Jose booked a vacation with her girlies an hour away to San Francisco, has […]
Fox News Countersues Dominion For Being Big, Fat Meanies
NEW YORK — What does the fox say? Misinformation, apparently. Having paid Dominion Voting $787 million for broadcasting election lies, Fox is now countersuing for […]
Opinion: What If Your Vape Wants to Hit You?
“PASS ME THE VAPE.” “BRUH, LET ME HIT THAT.” “YO CAN I TAKE A HIT?” You may have not said these words, but I’m willing […]
Competitive Parents Disappointed Their Five Year Old Has Never Shot Anyone
NEWPORT NEWS, VA— In light of the recent shooting of a teacher by her six-year-old student, local helicopter parents Bill and Mary Jones were disappointed […]
Frank Ocean Overworked From Coachella Set, Announces Next 7 Year Hiatus
INDIO — After canceling his Coachella Weekend 2 set, Frank Ocean announced that he would be stepping away from the public eye for another 7 […]
Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy
WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]