Leaving LA for summer? Or maybe forever? Before you go, use our recs to leave your mark all over Tinsel Town. Here’s every place in La La Land you absolutely have to violently vomit at least once.
The Hollywood Improv
Anyone who’s been sipping bottom shelf Moscow mules for the last hour should never be expected to stomach a surprise Chris D’Elia set. Or, if you’re performing, this could make for a great Tiktok clip—no one will see it coming! Subvert those expectations and you’ll be a Sunset Strip up-and-comer before you can say “I swear I didn’t know she was 16!”
Onto the Melrose Pink Wall
Picture this: your head is still pounding from last night, but your cousin is in town for the weekend. Her Instagram feed theme is blush tones, so you brought her here to take pics. She’s trying to get a blurry one, she’s sort of spinning, and now you’re definitely spinning. Hey, have you noticed that the wall is almost the exact same shade as a vodka cran? That’s right, let ‘er rip. Your cousin will never be able to forget her visit!
The Pinkberry in Studio City
A bit of a drive for those by the coast or further south, but so worth it. The Tart Orange Tang and Plain Tart swirl is essentially a quick-acting detox in a self-serve bowl—that’s so LA! Add skittles on top for a pop of color you’ll get to enjoy again later.
The OJ Heisman Display Case at USC
Nausea is a common symptom in those not acclimated to the University of Southern California’s unique atmosphere, which contains near toxic levels of new car smell and the stench of Daddy’s money. Add the visually noxious combination of red and yellow everywhere you turn in SC’s labyrinth of Royce Hall knockoffs, and a person’s sure to get queasy. When you make it to the lavish display case still boasting OJ Simpson’s Heisman trophy in the light of day in the year 2023 CE, aim for the head. (It’s what the man himself would do*).
This one is just for the bit. Dress up, call ahead with the name of the most Tiktok famous person you went to high school with, and swing by a prop shop for a vomit kit on the way there. Have your friend make a separate reservation and take “subtle” pictures of you from across the dining room. Once the celebs think you’re one of their own and everyone else is stealing glances, hide the delivery tube in your hand, commit, and deliver fake ralph all over that wildly-expensive raw fish. Your meal will undoubtedly be comped and you’ll have accomplished one of the first offensives in the brewing class war.
The Pinkberry in the LAX International Terminal
Don’t forget to hit up one more LA hotspot on your way out of town! Barf bags can be found in the seatback in front of you.