Top Five Books That Could’ve Been An Email
To Whom It May Concern, In today’s world, clear and concise communication is more important than ever. Electronic messaging has revolutionized almost every aspect of […]
Person Who Woke Up For 8 AM Lived Ten Lifetimes By Time You Woke Up
SAMSARA – Local history major and winner of the self-given “bravest and most grizzled person of all time” award Jenette Broxton is reported to have […]
Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud
WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]
Student Who Took Baton To Skull Not Really Feeling Up For Musicology Midterm
WESTWOOD — After last week’s tumultuous events, fourth-year communications major Jim Boon just cannot seem to rally for his midterm on The Beatles. “I can’t […]
UCLA Provides Police Violence As Safer Alternative To Counter-Protestor Violence
WESTWOOD — After UCLA student activists were attacked by counter-protestors Tuesday night, university administration immediately handled it 24 hours later by calling cops to brutalize […]
Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting
WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, […]
UCLA Dining To Reduce Meal Swipe Value From $9 To One Spoonful Of Gruel
Ackerman Student Union – UCLA Housing announced recently that the meal swipe value will be reduced from nine dollars to one spoonful of cold, chunky […]
Breaking: Every Celebrity Has Now Appeared On Every Other Celebrity’s Podcast, Lifting The Curse And Freeing Us All
LOS ANGELES — In a development that is sure to bring about nationwide revelry, every single celebrity has now appeared on every other celebrity’s podcast, […]