Top Five Books That Could’ve Been An Email

To Whom It May Concern,

In today’s world, clear and concise communication is more important than ever. Electronic messaging has revolutionized almost every aspect of our lives, but books seem to have missed the memo. Imagine if we could condense these lengthy tomes into easily summarizable digital letters. Here are our top five picks that could have benefited from doing exactly that.

5. A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

This 1859 historical novel by Charlie D was his best-selling work, and is considered to be one of the best books of all time. It also clocks in at 448 pages, and one can’t help but wonder if there was some ulterior motive driving Ol’ “Paid-By-The-Word” Chuck to make this book long as hell. Sure, it tells an epic story of revolution and class struggle, but you can easily replicate the same feelings it evokes by receiving an automated layoff email.

4. 1984

Erm, this is awkward… is anyone going to tell George Orwell that 1984 already happened? And it was totally chill? Sounds like he could’ve used some of that Newspeak he talks about so much to condense this heavy hitter into a concisely worded digital message.

3. Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus!

Pretty self-explanatory in my opinion. Slap that in the subject line and you don’t even have to write a body. No childish pictures needed either, just good ol’ HTML plaintext.

2. My Memoir

I spent four years toiling away on this elaborate, 500-page tome only for it to get terrible reviews and end up on the New York Times Worst Sellers list. Just shoot me in the head and CC me on the obituary.

1. How To Write Emails That Sell: Secrets From The Most Profitable Emails Ever Written by Matt Bacak

Oh, Matt. You can dish it out but can’t take it, can you? Take your own advice and write this all in a bullet-pointed email instead of a goddamn book, you hypocrite. You certainly didn’t write a book that could sell or it wouldn’t be sitting at a measly 200 reviews on Amazon.

The author regrets that this list, too, could not be an email.


The Enabler Staff

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