A Guide to Cockblocking: How to Ensure No One Else Gets Laid, Either
Are you tired of watching your friends bring home a different partner after every party? Sick of being sexiled? Just plain lonely and bitter? The […]
Clinton Supporters Climb Fence, Incite Riot
WESTWOOD—In a scene more suited for european soccer matches than politics, a horde of Clinton supporters climbed a fence near the Central Ticketing Office today, […]
Hammer Museum Installation Features Multiple Floors, Door Open/Door Close Buttons
WESTWOOD—With its futuristic sliding doors and innovative “moving platform”, Michael Hobart’s “Ascension” is the Hammer museum’s latest installation to test the bounds of the contemporary […]
Haunted House Willed to Heirs, If They Can Stay Through One Entire Night
SEATTLE, WA—After hearing of their late great-uncle Alfred Corman’s passing via his obituary in the Seattle Evening Post, siblings Andrew and Pauline Mortensen were left […]
Area Teenager Eats Pint Of Ice Cream Without Wearing Sweatpants
WESTWOOD, CA—Major concerns were raised in the Westwood community early Friday evening after local teenager Dorothy Springer finished off her pint of Cherry Garcia ice […]
Charlie C’s Guide to Valentine’s Day
Roses. Chocolate. Candy hearts. Men snoring while their girlfriends soak up the entire couch watching The Notebook. These are the things that we associate with […]
Enabler Asks You: What are you doing for Valentines day?
It’s that time of year again! Enabler staff hit the campus this week to get the low-down on some of our reader’s plans for Valentine’s […]
UCLA Student Found Dead After Playing Too Much Flappy Bird
WESTWOOD–It’s the gaming sensation that’s sweeping the nation–and it’s deadly. Last Tuesday, a UCLA student was found dead in his dorm room after a three-day […]
“Yeah, Bro!” Confirms Frat Brother
WESTWOOD—An unidentified frat brother speaking on a phone just outside the IM field this morning confirmed that “Yeah, bro!” in direct response to the person […]
Underprepared English Professor To Increase Rate Of Dramatic Pauses In Next Lecture
WESTWOOD—Sources revealed this morning that English 142 Professor Michael Prinz intends to increase both the frequency and duration of his pauses during tomorrow’s lecture. According […]