Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]
Biden Makes Crucial Mistake In Pardoning Turkey, Accidentally Pardons Human Son
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially pardoned his son Hunter Biden from a series of federal tax […]
Opinion: We Give Up, Wrap Your Own Spotify
What the hell do you want from us? Do you know how annoying you sound in our DMs right now? “Oh, when’s Wrapped coming out? […]
I Lived It: My Face Card Got Declined
WESTWOOD – It’s 3:30, and I just got out of class to go to Kerckhoff Coffeehouse. It’s been a long day and I need my […]
Trend Watch: Balls Piercing
Ears, bellybuttons, noses, nipples, and tongues. All places people of all genders and body types can get a piercing and slut the fuck out. However, […]
Charlie Brown Diagnosed With CTE
ANYTOWN, USA – After getting his 7th concussion from failing to kick the football, Charlie Brown has been diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). “Wah […]
“Let’s Have A Friendsgiving!” Says Friend Group Just As Dysfunctional As Your Family
WESTWOOD — This morning, local friend and insane person Sam Man dropped a bombshell in the groupchat as he suggested that they all get together […]
Well, That Can’t Be Good! Las Vegas Sphere Rolls Away
LAS VEGAS — The Las Vegas entertainment industry suffered a devastating loss this past weekend when a strong gust of wind sent the world-famous Sphere […]
Opinion: This “College” Shit Is Nothing Like Community
I arrived at UCLA like many first-years: bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and convinced that my four years at college would be just as magical as the six […]