Loud Sound Definitely A Gunshot
WESTWOOD—Tuesday morning at approximately 3:44 AM, a loud sound that occurred somewhere within the vicinity of several residential homes was identified by members of the […]
Benevolent Overlord Gene D. Block Graciously Allows Students His Precious Time
WESTWOOD – Chancellor Gene D. Block, Benevolent Overlord of UCLA, has graciously offered one hour of His precious time to students on Monday, May 18. […]
Westwood Enabler 2015 USAC Election Endorsement: The After Party
The Westwood Enabler has chosen to endorse Jason Ergina of The After Party. Here are a few key reasons why: Supports longer waits at De […]
Bruins United Platform Calls For Lower Fees, Better Resources, More ‘Moments That Take Your Breath Away’
WESTWOOD—Announcing a new, revamped platform for USAC Elections this week, Bruins United spokesman Jeff Brock emphasized the school’s need for “more moments that will take […]
USAC Profit Scandals Exposed By Daily Bruin For Profit
WESTWOOD—Documents leaked Tuesday have revealed that the Daily Bruin may be profiting off of scandals involving the illegal sale of drugs and alcohol to finance […]
Hillary Clinton Announces Plan To Move Back Into Old House Following 16-Year Pest Infestation
WASHINGTON—In a two-minute video featuring blue-collar workers feigning labor, an array of ethnically diverse families, and at least one gay couple holding hands, former First […]
Rick Astley: ‘Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down’
LONDON—It’s evening and Rick Astley stands along a section of waterfront in a nameless side street in West London. He sports a pale tan trenchcoat […]
POINT: You’re All Scientists! / COUNTERPOINT: Don’t Fucking Lie To These People
Point You’re All Scientists! By: Professor Deborah DeBousse, UCLA Biology Come on now, class. Think back about your past few days. What did you notice? […]
South Campus Runs Military Training Exercises Near North Campus Border
WESTWOOD—Declaring that South Campus is the only true campus, members of the South Campus Confederation ran military training exercises near the North Campus border on […]
Local School’s Social Hierarchy in Shambles After Musical Auditions
ALBUQUERQUE—Students at a local high school burst into song as a form of protest Tuesday when it was revealed that the school’s basketball captain sang […]