Student Dresses Up As Ackerman Bathrooms For Halloween
WESTWOOD — Reports confirm that second year Linguistics major Sarah Halladay plans to dress up as the Ackerman Student Union restrooms for this year’s Halloween festivities. […]
Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween
WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]
Obama Opens Border To El Niño
WASHINGTON D.C. — President Barack Obama signed a controversial executive order this morning to open the border for the southern climate oscillation, El Niño. The […]
Out-Of-State Student Thrilled by Scenic View Of LA Smog
WESTWOOD, CA — According to sources, out-of-state student Roberta Flemington is reportedly delighted that her room in Dykstra Hall overlooks the famed Los Angeles smog. […]
UCLA Frat Says No One Wore Blackface, Only ‘Rachel Dolezal’ Face
WESTWOOD — A fraternity says that no one wore blackface to the recent “Rachel Dolezal”-themed party that sparked protests on campus last week. The fraternity […]
Birthday Girl Neglected By World For Remaining 364 Days Of The Year
TOLEDO, OH — Following the birthday celebration of 20-year old Ayah Zobi, all living organisms from protists to senior citizens across all 196 nations of […]
Student Has Perfect Thing To Add To Lecture
WESTWOOD — Much to the admiration of those around her, second year Jessica Grant confirmed Monday that she had like the perfect thing to add to […]
Report: Students Spending More Money On Textbooks Than Useful Shit
WASHINGTON, DC — A study released by the United States Department of Commerce Thursday found that college students are spending an increasing amount of money […]
Marco Rubio Forges Doctor’s Note To Get Senate Absences Excused
WASHINGTON, DC — Following months of missed votes and prolonged periods of absences from his Senate duties, Marco Rubio reportedly handed Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]
Mars Sends Probe To Find Water In Central California
SECTOR 81-B, MARS — A group of Martian researchers have launched a probe designed to search for traces of water on Central Californian soil, according […]