Obama Opens Border To El Niño

WASHINGTON D.C. — President Barack Obama signed a controversial executive order this morning to open the border for the southern climate oscillation, El Niño.

The president said in a statement, “I believe America is a land of opportunity. And I believe that we, as Americans, have a responsibility to extend that opportunity to immigrants that can make our country greater—whether they are graduates, entrepreneurs, or giant tropical storms.”

With California in the middle of one of its worst droughts in recorded history, proponents say El Niño will bring much-needed rainfall to the parched West Coast. However, Republicans in the House say that the order oversteps the President’s powers.

“I can appreciate where the President is coming from, but I just don’t believe we can trust a foreign high pressure front that doesn’t have its papers in order,” said California Rep. Michael Conoway, chairman of the House Agriculture Committee. “Yeah, a Southern weather pattern is as good as any for watering crops, but what if comes for the harvest season, and just … stays?”

The American Agricultural Society held protests along Santa Monica beach last Tuesday, holding signs saying, “Get Niño Out Of Coopertiño” and “Go Back to El Mexico.”

“We probably shouldn’t trust a storm named El Niño,” said Louisiana Sen. Bill Cassidy. “Here in Louisiana Latin American storms don’t have the best track record. Look at what happened with Katrina! You just don’t see any Hurricane Jims destroying coastlines.”

The Supreme Court will decide next week if the executive order exceeded the president’s constitutional powers. The case, United States vs. El Niño, is expected to be a landmark decision in immigration law.

About Hans Oberschelp 9 Articles
Hans is an invaluable satirist and talented humor writer with the Enabler who has contributed much material, tangibly and intangibly, to reality and surreality.