MONTICELLO, VIRGINIA–Reporting feelings of tremendous fear, notable Founding Father Thomas Jefferson abruptly woke up in a cold sweat early this morning after a nightmarish vision […]
Every sinner has a chance to repent. I was a sinner, and I didn’t even know it. I lived every day of my life thinking […]
CHICAGO–With the Chicago Cubs’ World Series win this Wednesday, liberal America has begun praying that the nation’s quota for unfathomable victories has been fulfilled for […]
STANDING ROCK, ND—Following a proliferation of online activism regarding the Dakota Access Pipeline, sources report that area man Mike Gianni showed his solidarity with indigenous […]
Madison, WI—Area man Joseph Peterson is dressing as a “Mexican cowboy” for Halloween, and plans to use the same costume for Cinco De Mayo next […]
Have you googled “easy halloween costume ideas” for the tenth time today? Are you considering staying home just to avoid coming up with a “cool” […]
WESTWOOD—Having already drawn down his pants and committed to a bowel movement in a public bathroom, Statistics major Steven Chu received a massive thrill when […]
Ever wondered what the best places to poop on campus were? Here’s an exclusive compilation of our staff’s favorite places! In Gene Block’s private bathroom […]
MENLO PARK, CA – With the general election weeks away, political commentary that nobody asked for from Facebook users’ normally inactive older relatives has increased, […]
WASHINGTON D.C. – A conservative movement to #abolishthe19th has taken Twitter by storm this past week, leaving the other twenty-something amendments of the Constitution feeling […]
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