Halloween Dorm Decor Accidentally Summons Dark Lord Baphomet
WESTWOOD — After taping a paper skeleton to the door of her Rieber Hall dorm, first-year Communication major Shelby Latwick was surprised to be greeted […]
First-Year Nervous About Appearing Happy This Parents Weekend
WESTWOOD — Days before UCLA’s upcoming Parents Weekend, first-year student Nathaniel Berns announced that he was feeling nervous about appearing happy during his parents’ upcoming […]
BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak
WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]
Supreme Court Now Looks More Like Sex Offender Registry
WASHINGTON, DC — With the confirmation of former District of Columbia Appeals Judge Brett Kavanaugh today, pundits agree that the United States Supreme Court now […]
Kavanaugh Drinks Seventeen Glasses Of Wine To Cope With Investigation Announcement
WASHINGTON, DC — After hearing that FBI will be investigating the sexual assault allegation against him, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh drank 17 glasses of […]
Bill Cosby Nominated To Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing this morning from Washington, President Donald Trump announced his nomination of popular comedian and actor Bill Cosby to […]
Students Nervously Wonder How CEC Will Fuck It Up This Time
WESTWOOD – Following a well-received announcement that CupCaKKe and Charli XCX will be headlining this year’s BruinBash concert, students at the University of California, Los […]
Student With Den Pass Realizes They’re In For Long Year
WESTWOOD — Area student and Den Pass holder Kayla Parklamindi realized she was in for a long year today when the UCLA football team embarrassingly […]
Roommate Found Online Starting To Show Some Red Flags
SAN DIEGO, CA — After thinking about it some more, incoming freshman Kayla Marker has begun to cast some doubt on her roommate selection choice following […]
Bruin Republicans Hold Emergency Summer Meeting
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday afternoon, Bruin Republicans President John Lawrence called an emergency meeting after Michael Cohen implicated President Trump in illegal cover-up payments and […]