First-Year Nervous About Appearing Happy This Parents Weekend

WESTWOOD — Days before UCLA’s upcoming Parents Weekend, first-year student Nathaniel Berns announced that he was feeling nervous about appearing happy during his parents’ upcoming visit. “We talk a lot, and I constantly tell them things about parties I’ve never actually been invited to, friends I haven’t actually made, and adventures that I’ll probably never really have. It just feels like talking about the immense misery and dread this institution fills me with would be kind of a downer, you know?” said Berns as he Googled ways he could entertain his parents during the upcoming weekend. “They keep saying they just want to see what I do with my time — get a feel for my life, you know? — but if they just tag along while I spend another weekend in my bed with my headphones in, they’ll definitely know something’s up.” Berns was last seen introducing himself to his roommate in the hopes of acquiring one friend to introduce his parents to.