First-Year Nervous About Appearing Happy This Parents Weekend
WESTWOOD — Days before UCLA’s upcoming Parents Weekend, first-year student Nathaniel Berns announced that he was feeling nervous about appearing happy during his parents’ upcoming […]
BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak
WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]
Supreme Court Now Looks More Like Sex Offender Registry
WASHINGTON, DC — With the confirmation of former District of Columbia Appeals Judge Brett Kavanaugh today, pundits agree that the United States Supreme Court now […]
Kavanaugh Drinks Seventeen Glasses Of Wine To Cope With Investigation Announcement
WASHINGTON, DC — After hearing that FBI will be investigating the sexual assault allegation against him, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh drank 17 glasses of […]
Bill Cosby Nominated To Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing this morning from Washington, President Donald Trump announced his nomination of popular comedian and actor Bill Cosby to […]
Students Nervously Wonder How CEC Will Fuck It Up This Time
WESTWOOD – Following a well-received announcement that CupCaKKe and Charli XCX will be headlining this year’s BruinBash concert, students at the University of California, Los […]
Student With Den Pass Realizes They’re In For Long Year
WESTWOOD — Area student and Den Pass holder Kayla Parklamindi realized she was in for a long year today when the UCLA football team embarrassingly […]
Roommate Found Online Starting To Show Some Red Flags
SAN DIEGO, CA — After thinking about it some more, incoming freshman Kayla Marker has begun to cast some doubt on her roommate selection choice following […]
Bruin Republicans Hold Emergency Summer Meeting
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday afternoon, Bruin Republicans President John Lawrence called an emergency meeting after Michael Cohen implicated President Trump in illegal cover-up payments and […]
UCLA Fraternities Apologize For Getting Caught
WESTWOOD–In light of the recent lawsuit filed against UCLA fraternities Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) and Zeta Beta Tau (ZBT) for their mishandling of sexual assault, […]