Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship
WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]
School
“Do You Want To Feel My Stress Hives?” And Other Exciting Conversation Starters To Get Out Of Working On Your Group Project
This fun icebreaker is sure to create a sense of camaraderie among the group members as well as make those bitches realize they need to […]
Uggo Alert! TA Not Hot Enough To Justify Attendance
WESTWOOD — UCLA student Brad Eckel-Honesty decided against regularly attending discussion this quarter after his TA was revealed to be a full-on uggo. “Looking at […]
Opinion: To The Incoming Freshman Reading This: UCLA Let You In By Accident!
You’ve just “gotten in” to the #1 public university in the entire United States of America. Pretty soon, obnoxious people in your life are going […]
UCLA Spins Wheel Of Random Names To Pick Class Of 2027
WESTWOOD — UCLA announced Wednesday that they would be switching to a 100% chance admission system for the incoming class of 2027. “Our job is […]
UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]
Student Treats Self To A Few Days Of Rotting In Bed
A WINDOWLESS BEDROOM — Area student Molly Lee was seen this morning treating themself to a days-long stint of rotting in bed. Due to their recent […]
Small Discussion Group Grows Into Medium Discussion Group
WESTWOOD — Students in class Monday morning discovered that their small discussion group has expanded into their worst nightmare: a medium sized discussion group. “It […]
Opinion: If I Spill My Trauma To You, Will You Let Me Into Your Grad Program?
I’ve known I wanted to be a neurosurgeon ever since I saw my grandfather get run over by a Zamboni. Right in that moment, as […]