2,022 Things To Look Forward To In 2022
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
Economy
Report: Use Of Word “Unprecedented” Spiking
SEATTLE — As the Omicron variant ravages through the country, top language researchers have noticed a second surge of the word “unprecedented.” “It’s as if […]
Report: Jackhammers In Westwood Only Work Between 4 A.M. And 8 A.M.
WESTWOOD — A new study from the Los Angeles Public Works Department found that jackhammers in the Westwood neighborhood can only operate in the wee […]
CDC: Fully Vaccinated People Can Smoke Cigarettes They Find On Ground
ATLANTA — On Wednesday evening, the Centers for Disease Control announced a change in their guidelines for fully vaccinated Americans, allowing them to take one […]
Jeff Bezos Pledges Three New TV Ads To Help Struggling Amazon Employees
SEATTLE — Facing criticism from employees regarding poor conditions in his warehouses, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is attempting to ease their concerns by pledging three […]
Trump Administration Announces New Hammer-Based Healthcare Plan
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Late last Tuesday night, reporters gathered in the crowded press briefing room to watch Vice President Mike Pence demonstrate the Trump Administration’s […]
Proactive Freshman Digs Own Grave
WESTWOOD — UCLA freshman and self-proclaimed go-getter Laura Johnsonelli has reportedly begun arrangements for her own burial. “After I graduate med school, meet the optometrist […]
Bird Tipping Not the Same, Say Students Of Rural Background
WESTWOOD — Early Friday morning, students hailing from rural hometowns saw an opportunity to engage in a favorite childhood pastime after drunkenly stumbling past herds […]
Potential Employer Glad You Reached Out
LOS ANGELES — A potential employer called a press conference at 8:35 this morning to announce how glad they are that you reached out. “We […]