WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe Biden wakes up and is overjoyed to discover his position as President of the United States. “The look in his eyes never gets old, unlike him,” said Dr. Jill Biden, who was willing to leak any White House secret as long as the Enabler made sure to include the “Dr.” title. “It starts with me calling him Mr. President. Then he always goes, ‘Who, me? Shit, does that mean they shot Barack?’ And that’s my cue to whip out this video where Barack Obama assures Joe he’s alive and well, congratulates him on winning the presidency, and then explains what the president does. Sometimes when I really want to blow Joe’s mind, I tell him who he beat in the election.” At press time, Joe Biden was once again having the best day of his life.
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Brandon Wang lives in Westwood with his adopted son Macaulay Culkin. His hobbies include enabling.