Sepi’s Files Counterproposal To Evict Steve Sann
WESTWOOD — Following efforts by the Westwood Community Council to pressure Sepi’s into leaving Westwood, the local bar and restaurant filed a counterproposal to evict […]
Politics
Gene Block Mentioned 26 Times In Mueller Report For Some Reason
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on his team’s investigation into potential links between the Trump campaign and Moscow was made public […]
Mitch McConnell Revealed As True Father Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
WASHINGTON — In a stunning turn of events, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R – KY) has been confirmed as the true biological father of […]
Bill Clinton to Star in His Own Celebrity Porn Parody
NEW YORK — Former President Bill Clinton’s public relations representative announced this morning that he will be playing the star role in his own […]
Report: Dianne Feinstein Bullied By Senator As Child
WASHINGTON — Following a viral video last week that showed her bullying young children, a report has surfaced that Senator Dianne Feinstein (D – CA) […]
Ted Lieu Voted Sexiest Man Alive By Bruin Democrats
WESTWOOD — At the club’s most recent policy meeting, members of Bruin Democrats unanimously voted California Representative Ted Lieu the “sexiest man alive,” the group’s […]
Ralph Northam Assures Public Blackface Photo Actually Super Funny
RICHMOND, VA — After Virginia Governor Ralph Northam was accused of wearing blackface in an old yearbook photo, the embattled politician has assured an angry public that […]
National Bestfriend Day Cancelled, She Knows What She Did
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the nation enters the peak of holiday season, Gabrielle Langli, Director of the Bureau of Celebration and National Holidays, has declared […]
Colored Pencils To Be Renamed Pencils Of Color
WESTWOOD — After attending her first lecture of Gender Studies 103: Knowledge, first-year undeclared major Brittney Smith took the first step towards enacting tangible change, by […]
Apathetic Parents Lukewarm For The Return Of Their Socialist Daughter
COLUMBUS, OH — Sources report that the Loofer family is unamused with the return of their socialist daughter and would prefer if freshman Lindsay Loofer […]