Pinocchio Discovers Real World, No Longer Wants To Be Real Boy
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]
Politics
FBI Closes Homicide Investigation, Concludes That Victim Has Died
LOS ANGELES — Detective Darren Bishop provided a final investigative update earlier today on the homicide of Kevin Murphy. “Progress has been difficult. The victim […]
FDA Approves Emergency “Thoughts And Prayers” Treatment For Gunshot Victims
SILVER SPRINGS, MD — The recent shooting in Uvalde, TX which left 21 dead has prompted the Food and Drug Administration to grant emergency use […]
Report! Stonehenge Only Epic Thing White People Have Ever Done
UNITED KINGDOM — A new report out of Exeter University claims to have proven that Stonehenge is the only epic thing to ever be done […]
White Woman Wondering If It Too Soon To Remove Ukraine Link From Instagram Bio
WESTWOOD — Local white woman Becky Garret has decided that it might be time to remove the Ukraine link from her Instagram bio. “I’ve had […]
Top 5 Places To Get An Abortion When Your Human Rights Are Treated Like A Luxury
Following recent news that the Supreme Court will likely overturn Roe v. Wade, we have curated a list of five places to get an abortion […]
‘Just Kidding!’: Leading Climate Scientists Reveal Their Funny Little Prank
NEW YORK — The world’s leading climate scientists gathered Tuesday to announce the culmination of their prank, known formally as the “Climate Crisis.” “Honestly we […]
Biden: Build Back Better Westwood Chipotle
WESTWOOD— With the collapse of Biden’s Build Back Better congressional agenda, the President has sought to deliver on his campaign platform through a proposal sure […]
Report: Judge Who Struck Down Mask Mandate Has A Great Smile
TAMPA — Reporters on the scene at Florida’s Middle District Federal court, where Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle recently struck down the mask mandate for public […]
“&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say
DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING. This is obviously a very crude word, why else would we censor it with random symbols? A$$ is a no-no […]