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Politics

Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary

January 13, 2023 Dana Badii 0

SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]

Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem

January 9, 2023 Lucas Humel 0

WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]

Gene Block Accused of Cutting Corners

December 15, 2022 Elena Whitlock 0

UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy

December 14, 2022 Aidan Brooks 0

WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]

Ackerman Smoothie Robot Also Striking

December 1, 2022 John Luke Piepgras 0

ACKERMAN STUDENT UNION — In a unanimous vote, the Ackerman Beverage Kiosk Robotic Arm Union solidified plans for a strike. “I will bring UCLA to […]

Joe Biden Announces Nationwide Slut Era As Birth Rates Fall

November 27, 2022 Blue Flood 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to a historic decline in the American national birth rate, President Joe Biden has called for a nationwide Slut Era. […]

Uncle’s Rant At Thanksgiving Dinner Receives Lo-Fi Hip Hop Remix

November 26, 2022 Dana Badii 0

LOS ANGELES – Households across America are jamming out after the release of the Scott family’s new single, “Uncle Terry’s Rant (Interlude)” ft. lo-fi hip […]

Opinion: USC Students Are Dumb Poopyheads

November 18, 2022 Gabe McNeill 0

People make many arguments as to why UCLA is better than USC, or vice versa. Some people say UCLA has a higher academic ranking. Others […]

Despondent Dr. Oz Seen Wandering Crudité Aisle In Fugue State

November 10, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

BETHLEHEM, PA — Television personality and professional charlatan Dr. Oz was spotted recently wandering the crudité section of a Wegmans grocery store in an aimless […]

Opinion: Midterm Exams This, Midterm Elections That, I Just Wanna Grill For Godsakes!

November 8, 2022 Dennis 0

Every so often the two most mid (as the kids say) things alive, exams and elections, somehow line up in November. People start freaking out […]

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Lucas Humel
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