Opinion: Being A DJ Was Too Hard, See You In Class

When I first got in the studio, I thought I was set for life. No more MyUCLA, no more Death Stairs to climb, no more De Neve S’mizza. I could just sit down in my little swivel chair, plug in some stuff, and go host my little Boiler Room session to a crowd of adoring fans just like Fred again.. and so many other DJs. I didn’t take on any internships or research labs – the only opportunity I needed was some headphones and a synthesizer.

But no, apparently you have to be “good” at mixing? Who would’ve thought! I pulled so many muscles hauling equipment to the Hill to turn my quaint deluxe triple into a recording studio – I mean, the walls are carpeted anyway! I posted regularly on SoundCloud just for a bunch of teenagers to spam “RATIO” in the comments. I kept screaming “UNTZ UNTZ” into the mic to add a little pizzazz, but I guess it wasn’t good enough for the writers over at Pitchfork.

I guess it’s time to trade the electronica blasting in my ears for some pre-recorded Zoom lecture, and I’ll hang up my cute kitty-eared headphone set. Maybe if you’re walking by Bruin Plaza late at night, you can hear the ghosts of my DJ set wailing. To everyone who doubted me, who thought I could never make it, who prayed on my downfall… you were right.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ll now be joining the waitlist for Physics 5C. My new producer tag: “GROUPME?”