Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting

WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, dirty, and frankly disgusting encampment has really harshed my mellow, my nuts are the real victim of all this,” said Block, who had just invited a Blackrock executive to play in a scrimmage with the men’s basketball team. “Both sides have good points, but one side seems to represent a much larger chunk of my endowment and 401k. While they have been peaceful so far, I honestly can’t wait to sic the UCPD boys on them and really watch ‘em squirm.” At press time, Block was seen setting up an even bigger TV that says, “Can’t we all just get along?”

About Milo Ellison 14 Articles
Hobby satirist turned published comedy extraordinaire.