WESTWOOD – In an exclusive Westwood Enabler interview, third-year physiological science major Ian Fluenza, spokesperson for the coughers in your lecture, announced that everyone coughing […]
CAYMAN ISLANDS — After his presumed death last March, debt collectors have found Powell Cat alive and well, sipping on Mai Tais in the Cayman […]
OSLO – Former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has been posthumously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for dying, as announced by the Nobel Committee […]
MIDWESTWOOD — UCLA Dining has unveiled plans to expand its Rendezvous West & East dining halls with an extension focused on a different regional cuisine: […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following increasing calls for a ceasefire since the start of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Joe Biden has declared that he will personally go […]
ROSE BOWL — UCLA Football ended its season on a positive note following their late fourth-quarter comeback against the Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team. “What […]
WESTWOOD – In a press release sent out at 2 a.m. today, second-year neuroscience major Pri Medd announced she would officially be laying down her […]
WESTWOOD — Cheddar News, the news channel displayed on Ackerman Union’s TVs, declared their bankruptcy today with plans to become Mozzarella Media. “Although it is […]
BPLATE CATACOMBS — UCLA Dining unveiled its latest culinary offering, the Eldritch Concoction, Sunday evening in an underground ceremony featuring fanatical chants, quinoa, and ritual […]
ROME — Football fans were shocked on Saturday when this year’s “Battle for LA” did not take place in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, but […]
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