Campus
BREAKING: Rain, Shit
WESTWOOD — Contrary to all laws of nature and common sense, it is still raining in Los Angeles. Pamela Hauser, 1st year English major and […]
Colored Pencils To Be Renamed Pencils Of Color
WESTWOOD — After attending her first lecture of Gender Studies 103: Knowledge, first-year undeclared major Brittney Smith took the first step towards enacting tangible change, by […]
White Freshman Takes Huge Risk With Ethnic-Sounding Entrée
WESTWOOD — Yesterday evening, caucasian first year Ezra Bloss got the Salvadorian pupusas at De Neve dining hall. “I’ve never felt more attacked in my […]
Legal Pad User Confident In Superiority To Rest Of Class
WESTWOOD — Last week, the entire Life Science 15 lecture hall watched in admiration as first-year student Trip McCoy distinguished himself as being head-and-shoulders above the […]
UCLA Housing Surprised To Learn Elevators Need Permits
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing administration was astonished to learn on Friday that the Hill’s elevators do, in fact, need permits. “It just completely slipped […]
BREAKING: PAC Member Joins Tours
WESTWOOD — After an extensive series of application essays and interviews, numerous Facebook posts have confirmed that this year’s cohort of UCLA Tour Guides includes […]
Vigilante Stonemason Makes Royce Hall Symmetrical
WESTWOOD – Campus tour guides were shocked last week when they reached the part of the tour at which they prompt guests to spot the […]
Student Narrows Down Classmate’s Name To Two Possibilities
WESTWOOD — This past Tuesday, local second-year Arty McStank excitedly reported that after much deliberation, he has narrowed down his classmate’s name to approximately two […]
Frat Boy’s Jokes About Hazing Getting Weirdly Specific
WESTWOOD – According to multiple sources, recent “jokes” made by first-year student and fraternity member Mark Prescott about the pledging process have become strangely specific. […]