Ethnomusicology Student Caught Listening To Maroon 5 On Spotify
WESTWOOD — Third-year ethnomusicology major Sebastian Arrow-Gantz lost his musical authority Monday morning when his Spotify listening activity revealed that he was playing Maroon 5 […]
Campus
Op-Ed: As An Intellectual, I Eagerly Await The Return Of Rick And Morty
Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines “Wubba lubba dub dub” as an expression of jubilation, an exclamation of pure joy, and a rallying battle cry of the […]
Midterms Finish Just In Time For Midterms
WESTWOOD — Bruins finally breathed a sigh of relief as midterms wrapped up this week, just in time for midterms to begin first thing next […]
Fossil Free UC Misunderstanding Leads To Loss Of Archaeology Department
WESTWOOD — In what is being called a “cultural tragedy,” the UCLA archaeology department was abolished last Wednesday after all of its materials were incinerated […]
No Progress Made To UCLA Internet After Invention Of Internet
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Op-Ed: Never Mind, It’s Just Another Amber Alert
WESTWOOD — Oh my god, my phone’s buzzing. Do you hear that? What if it’s something important? Maybe it’s Mark calling, finally confessing his love […]
South Campus Closed After Inverted Fountain Demands Human Sacrifice
WESTWOOD — Last Friday evening, several students reported that the inverted fountain was ceaselessly echoing an ominous incantation. Local fraternity member, Chet Charles, noticed it […]
Capitol Hill Intern Excited To Finally “Call The Shots”
WESTWOOD — In a frank conversation last Tuesday during his lower-division PS40 discussion section, second-year political science major Jake O’Brien admitted he was looking forward […]
Woman Comfortable With Stranger’s Genitals In Mouth Doesn’t Eat Gluten
WESTWOOD — In a Westwood Enabler exclusive interview, third-year Rebecca Wright announced that she will be starting a gluten-free diet, although she plans to continue […]
Default Browser Somehow Bing Again
WESTWOOD — After attempting to Google-search “Game of Thrones Season 8 Finale Free Streaming 1080p,” second-year biology major Serena Tambor discovered her default browser had […]