PRAGUE — In an event some are calling “Kafkaesque,” businessman Greg Sammsa woke up this morning and found himself transformed into a giant insect. “This is so dystopian-core,” buzzed Greg, who is more upset about having to miss work than now being a cockroach. “Big Brother is totally watching right now… Wait, fuck, that’s the wrong thing.” At press time, Sammsa was seen mumbling about “society, man” and crawling buggily around his room.
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Ammi Lane-Volz has a rock in their shoe. Hey, guys, wait-- guys, stop walking so they can get this rock out of their shoe.