WESTWOOD — While some may join a fraternity for camaraderie, school spirit, or alcohol, first-year Business Economics major Chad Sookmidic has disclosed that hazing is the most rewarding part of his pledge experience. “It’s more than a power trip or a chance to test yourself. It’s an opportunity to silence anything that makes you remotely interesting in exchange for brotherhood, questionable-but-reliable community, and a superiority complex,” Sookmidic shared after coughing up $950 to be a member of his newly found “family.” “Some of the best character-building tactics include doing push-ups for three hours while being called a ‘******* *****-*** *******,’ pissing in unspeakable places, and attending chapter meetings that result in nights spent under the covers, trying to muffle the sound of sobbing.” At press time, Sookmidic was seen denying the Stockholm Syndrome allegations.