Guy Making Jokes In Lecture Chat Releases Netflix Special
WESTWOOD — Third-year psychobiology student Neil Korsch is preparing to release a Netflix stand-up comedy special later this month after his critically acclaimed set in […]
A&E
Area Man’s Art Still Sucks Despite Depression Diagnosis
PORTLAND, OR — After several unlucky years spent developing his craft, things were finally starting to look up for local painter Chuck Picasso (no relation) […]
Rudy Giuliani Still Waiting On Text From Maria Bakalova
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After his encounter with actress Maria Bakalova in Borat Subsequent Moviefilm, attorney Rudy Giuliani is still waiting for her to reach out […]
Op-Ed: Women Under 5’6” Should Be Allowed To See Little Women For Free
When I first saw Little Women I was surprised by how big the women were. I quickly got over my shock when I realized that […]
Hands Touching Face Category Added To Pornhub
LOS ANGELES — Due to the rapid spread of coronavirus, precautionary measures put in place to combat the virus have only highlighted the sensual nature […]
Dungeons And Dragons Game Disbanded For Problematic Focus On Race And Class
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Equity, Diversity & Inclusion has officially shut down roleplaying club Bodacious Bards’ newest Dungeons and Dragons campaign after students […]
Students Disturbed That North Campus Sculpture Not Naked
WESTWOOD — Following the reveal of the latest addition to the North Campus sculpture garden, many students expressed how disturbing it was that the sculpture […]
Area Douche Identifies With TV Anti-Hero
WESTWOOD — In what onlookers have described as a “display of pure originality,” local douchebag Jake Gordonsky revealed last Friday that he totally identifies with […]
Flustered Quentin Tarantino Begins Teaching Himself Korean
HOLLYWOOD — Acclaimed film director Quentin Tarantino, after losing an Academy Award to Parasite, has reportedly begun teaching himself Korean. “I thought the Academy would […]
Gang Of Musical Theater Majors Terrorizes Students, Snaps Rhythmically
WESTWOOD — This past week, a roving gang of musical theater students hell-bent on verbally, physically, and musically assaulting every non-Gleek within reach plagued UCLA’s […]