Barney’s Beanery Begins Weekly Mahjong Night
WESTWOOD — Citing the success of recurring weekly events like “Karaoke Night” and “Trivia Night,” the management of Barney’s Beanery announced last Monday that the […]
A&E
Punk Band Totally Fine With No One Showing Up to Their Show. No Really, They Are.
WESTWOOD – Following a local house show this weekend, punk rock band Anarchist Tendencies denied feeling heartbroken despite the fact that no one showed up […]
J.K. Rowling Announces on Twitter that John Wooden is Gay
WESTWOOD – Beloved fantasy author J.K. Rowling turned to Twitter this morning to announce that deceased UCLA basketball coach John Wooden is gay. “I’m so […]
UCLA Student Not Photographer But Does Have iPhone With Portrait Mode
WESTWOOD — Recent reports from the “UCLA Free & For Sale” Facebook page have indicated that third-year student Liz Samuels did not consider herself a photographer […]
UCLA Radio Rejections Spur Return Of Doc Martens
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA Radio’s record low admission rate into their intern program three weeks ago, the Doc Martens company experienced a record high surge in […]
Taylor Swift to Start New, Flirtier Political Party
NASHVILLE, TN — In response to backlash regarding her recent endorsement for the Democratic party, Taylor Swift has released a statement regarding her plans to start […]
Mom Watches Every “The Rock” Film for the Plot
WESTWOOD — Carla Batoots, proud mother of five, has recently caught the attention of film critics nationwide for her staunch defense of every movie starring […]
Bill Cosby Nominated To Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing this morning from Washington, President Donald Trump announced his nomination of popular comedian and actor Bill Cosby to […]
Students Nervously Wonder How CEC Will Fuck It Up This Time
WESTWOOD – Following a well-received announcement that CupCaKKe and Charli XCX will be headlining this year’s BruinBash concert, students at the University of California, Los […]
Miss America Pageant to Replace Swimsuit Competition With Naked Mud Wrestle
NEW YORK —The Miss America Organization has reportedly dropped the swimsuit portion of the competition, replacing the category with a WWE-style naked mud wrestle. “We […]