Iceberg Unhappy With Portrayal In Titanic
ARCTIC CIRCLE — Last week, Paramount Pictures received a complaint from the iceberg that sank the RMS Titanic, stating dissatisfaction with its cameo in James Cameron’s […]
A&E
White Man With Brown Hair Does Improv
LOS ANGELES — Sources confirmed earlier last week that a local white man with brown hair does, in fact, perform improvisational comedy. “Yes and,” said […]
New Silver Lake Restaurant Serves “Conceptual” Meals
SILVER LAKE — Following a year of overwhelming anticipation within the community, “Food for Thought,” a restaurant that only serves “conceptual” meals, has opened this week. […]
Coachella Wristband Reveals God Amongst Men
WESTWOOD — Last Monday evening, three wise men knocked on the door of Beta Theta Pi to share with third-year business economics student Jack Wagner, who […]
New Clothing Brand “Supremer” To Cater To Hyperbeasts
FAIRFAX DISTRICT — Last weekend, hundreds of self-proclaimed not hypebeasts, but “Hyper-Beasts,” lined up by a Melrose storefront in anticipation of new clothing brand “Supremer,” unaffiliated […]
Barney’s Beanery Begins Weekly Mahjong Night
WESTWOOD — Citing the success of recurring weekly events like “Karaoke Night” and “Trivia Night,” the management of Barney’s Beanery announced last Monday that the […]
Punk Band Totally Fine With No One Showing Up to Their Show. No Really, They Are.
WESTWOOD – Following a local house show this weekend, punk rock band Anarchist Tendencies denied feeling heartbroken despite the fact that no one showed up […]
J.K. Rowling Announces on Twitter that John Wooden is Gay
WESTWOOD – Beloved fantasy author J.K. Rowling turned to Twitter this morning to announce that deceased UCLA basketball coach John Wooden is gay. “I’m so […]
UCLA Student Not Photographer But Does Have iPhone With Portrait Mode
WESTWOOD — Recent reports from the “UCLA Free & For Sale” Facebook page have indicated that third-year student Liz Samuels did not consider herself a photographer […]
UCLA Radio Rejections Spur Return Of Doc Martens
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA Radio’s record low admission rate into their intern program three weeks ago, the Doc Martens company experienced a record high surge in […]