BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and Paramount+ streaming services to form MaxCockMount+. “We wanted to have all the irrelevant shows in one convenient place, rather than spread out over multiple services,” explained CEO David Zaslav, whose company shareholders initially stopped him from changing Peacock’s name to just “Cock.” “Who needs ‘Netflix & Chill’ when you can ‘MaxCockMount+ & Thrust’ with your bae?!” At press time, Zaslav had reached out to Apple to create a service exclusively for tablet users called “MaxiPad.”
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Rujula is an unpretentious Economics major who enjoys sitting on bags of money and telling other people what to do. She received her PhD in maturity after deleting TikTok, Instagram, and Google+.