CHAGRIN FALLS, OH.— Cartoonist Bill Watterson announced today that six-year-old cartoon star Calvin has been eaten by his tiger Hobbes. “Bet you thought my anthropomorphism was just a figment of Calvin’s imagination,” said Hobbes, burping. “Honestly, fuck that kid. How much Calvinball can one tiger be expected to endure? Now I’m stuffed in more ways than one!” At press time, Spaceman Spiff had defeated Hobbes with his Trusty Atomic Napalm Neutralizer.
About Gillian Smith 50 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.