Teen “Born In The Wrong Generation” Would Have Been Totally Obliterated By Spanish Flu
BEVERLY HILLS — After watching the first half hour of The Great Gatsby, area teen KayeTee Collins declared that she was “born in the wrong […]
Health
Student Munches Lunch at Bunche
WESTWOOD — Imprudent third year theater student Daniel Dent munches crunchy lunch inside of Bunche. “I know it’s ambitious, and a bit suspicious, but my […]
CAPS Introduces New “Ball-and-Stick With Smiley Faces” Counseling Unit
WESTWOOD — In an effort to keep up with the rising demand of students seeking mental health treatment, UCLA Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) announced […]
Bruin Plate Introduces Bottomless Mimosas
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing department has recently announced that Bruin Plate, UCLA’s newest and largest dining hall, will begin serving bottomless mimosas beginning in […]
Study: Productivity Increases 360% When Chairs Can Swivel All The Way Around
WESTWOOD — Confidently swiveling in all directions to address her audience, project lead Angela Moriarty announced her team’s findings, which conclude that productivity increases 360% […]
Midterms Finish Just In Time For Midterms
WESTWOOD — Bruins finally breathed a sigh of relief as midterms wrapped up this week, just in time for midterms to begin first thing next […]
Drunk Area Woman Reverses Stance on Cigarettes
PORTLAND — After a former public record of speaking out against her peers’ use of cigarettes, area woman Cheyenne Rhodes appeared to have flip-flopped on […]