Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient
Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]
Health
“It’s Just Seasonal Depression,” Says Student During Spring Quarter
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Primrose Miller claimed Monday that their depression is just seasonal, despite it being week eight of spring quarter. “I’m usually totally fine. […]
UniBud Now Accepting ASUCLA Meal Tickets
WESTWOOD — ASUCLA announced last Sunday that it is partnering with UniBud to bring students all of their kushy needs, now accessible via their student […]
New Hank Green TikTok Explains How You Will Die
MISSOULA, MT — Internet personality Hank Green put out another informative TikTok today, in which he revealed the exact time and manner of your demise. […]
Life Alert Releases Congressional-Grade™ Necklace
WASHINGTON — With a third of their ranks being over 70 years old, Congress took steps today to alleviate age-related concerns by giving each member […]
Trend Watch! Places In Los Angeles Everyone Should Projectile Vomit At Least Once
Leaving LA for summer? Or maybe forever? Before you go, use our recs to leave your mark all over Tinsel Town. Here’s every place in […]
Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy
WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]
Hobbes Eats Calvin
CHAGRIN FALLS, OH.— Cartoonist Bill Watterson announced today that six-year-old cartoon star Calvin has been eaten by his tiger Hobbes. “Bet you thought my anthropomorphism […]
Wow! This One Birth Control Pill Completely Annihilates God’s Plan
HEAVEN — Instead of being fruitful and increasing in number (Genesis 1:28), the humans that God created have found a way to subvert His plan […]
“Do You Want To Feel My Stress Hives?” And Other Exciting Conversation Starters To Get Out Of Working On Your Group Project
This fun icebreaker is sure to create a sense of camaraderie among the group members as well as make those bitches realize they need to […]