New Florida Bill Bans All Classroom Speech
TALLAHASSEE — Florida governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill today banning all speech in public school classrooms, on the grounds that it could contain content […]
Articles by Maya Chatrathi
Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship
WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]
Weird! This Woman Has Legs For Days
ISLE OF MAN — Sources report that local woman Amy Fuller has got a real pair of stems on her. “I’ve seen a leg or […]
Breaking: Woman Scorned
HOLLYWOOD — The fires of hell could not compare to the fury of area woman Maria Cooper when she discovered her husband’s infidelity. “That ugly, […]
Gene Block Pulls A Gone Girl, Disappears
WESTWOOD — The campus community was in uproar on Friday following the disappearance of our beloved chancellor Gene Block. “I miss him so much,” sobbed […]
Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie
LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]
Local Hero At Kerckhoff Watching Everyone’s Stuff
WESTWOOD — Second-year economics major Joshua Wadams has been hailed as a local hero following his efforts to simultaneously look after the personal belongings of […]
Opinion: How Bringing My Copy Of “Ready Player Two” With Me To The Dining Hall Helped Me Get Laid
Like many UCLA students, I had hoped to experience my first romance at this fine institution, but as an oft-ignored fellow, that moment seemed like […]
Report: Bruno Mars “Just Kidding” About Jumping In Front Of Train For Ya
LOS ANGELES — Musician Bruno Mars announced Tuesday that he was “just kidding” about his promise to jump in front of a train for ya […]
Incredible: Professor Using Just One Website For All Course Content
WESTWOOD — Students and professors alike were shocked to learn Thursday that Professor Amanda Chen uses only the premade Bruin Learn page for all lectures, […]