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Articles by Maya Chatrathi

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About Maya Chatrathi
Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.

Gene Block Pulls A Gone Girl, Disappears

February 7, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — The campus community was in uproar on Friday following the disappearance of our beloved chancellor Gene Block. “I miss him so much,” sobbed […]

Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie

January 30, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]

Local Hero At Kerckhoff Watching Everyone’s Stuff

January 18, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year economics major Joshua Wadams has been hailed as a local hero following his efforts to simultaneously look after the personal belongings of […]

Opinion: How Bringing My Copy Of “Ready Player Two” With Me To The Dining Hall Helped Me Get Laid

November 24, 2022 Bustopher Jones 0

Like many UCLA students, I had hoped to experience my first romance at this fine institution, but as an oft-ignored fellow, that moment seemed like […]

Report: Bruno Mars “Just Kidding” About Jumping In Front Of Train For Ya

November 12, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — Musician Bruno Mars announced Tuesday that he was “just kidding” about his promise to jump in front of a train for ya […]

Incredible: Professor Using Just One Website For All Course Content

October 17, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Students and professors alike were shocked to learn Thursday that Professor Amanda Chen uses only the premade Bruin Learn page for all lectures, […]

UCLA Purchases Expansion Campus In Downtown LA

October 6, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

Punk’s Not Dead! Your 13-Year-Old Cousin Just Called You A Bitch

September 29, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

BEL-AIR — Your 13-year old cousin proved definitively that the spirit of punk is alive and well in the younger generation last Friday, when she […]

New Study Reveals All

July 15, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA has revealed the intimate, juicy details of her life in an exclusive tell-all interview with the Enabler. “You […]

Generational Trauma? Mom Looks Kind Of Sad

May 9, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

HOME — Your mother was seen looking sad on Monday evening, leading family members to believe she was suffering from the impact of generational trauma. […]

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