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Articles by Maya Chatrathi

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About Maya Chatrathi
Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.

New Florida Bill Bans All Classroom Speech

May 16, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

TALLAHASSEE — Florida governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill today banning all speech in public school classrooms, on the grounds that it could contain content […]

Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship

April 12, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]

Weird! This Woman Has Legs For Days

March 29, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

ISLE OF MAN — Sources report that local woman Amy Fuller has got a real pair of stems on her. “I’ve seen a leg or […]

Breaking: Woman Scorned

February 19, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

HOLLYWOOD — The fires of hell could not compare to the fury of area woman Maria Cooper when she discovered her husband’s infidelity. “That ugly, […]

Gene Block Pulls A Gone Girl, Disappears

February 7, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — The campus community was in uproar on Friday following the disappearance of our beloved chancellor Gene Block. “I miss him so much,” sobbed […]

Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie

January 30, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]

Local Hero At Kerckhoff Watching Everyone’s Stuff

January 18, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year economics major Joshua Wadams has been hailed as a local hero following his efforts to simultaneously look after the personal belongings of […]

Opinion: How Bringing My Copy Of “Ready Player Two” With Me To The Dining Hall Helped Me Get Laid

November 24, 2022 Bustopher Jones 0

Like many UCLA students, I had hoped to experience my first romance at this fine institution, but as an oft-ignored fellow, that moment seemed like […]

Report: Bruno Mars “Just Kidding” About Jumping In Front Of Train For Ya

November 12, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — Musician Bruno Mars announced Tuesday that he was “just kidding” about his promise to jump in front of a train for ya […]

Incredible: Professor Using Just One Website For All Course Content

October 17, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Students and professors alike were shocked to learn Thursday that Professor Amanda Chen uses only the premade Bruin Learn page for all lectures, […]

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