Introducing Murry Bartow: Interim Men’s Basketball Head Coach
WESTWOOD — After firing Steve Alford earlier this year following a particularly ugly start to the season for the Bruins’ men’s basketball team, the school […]
Sports
P: Patrick Mahomes Has Been the Single Best Quarterback So Far this NFL Season / CP: His Voice Sounds Like a Frog
Point: Patrick Mahomes Has Been the Single Best Quarterback So Far this NFL Season by BJ Kissel It really is an easy argument to make […]
BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak
WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]
Student With Den Pass Realizes They’re In For Long Year
WESTWOOD — Area student and Den Pass holder Kayla Parklamindi realized she was in for a long year today when the UCLA football team embarrassingly […]
Lebron James One-Man Show To Open Off-Broadway After NBA Finals
MANHATTAN, NY— After several months of uncertainty, an opening date for LeBron James’s one-man show, Kingy Boots, has finally been announced. “Based on the state […]
Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits
PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]
Promising Economics Student Sadly Drops Out of UCLA
WESTWOOD — On Wednesday, the UCLA community was saddened when prominent economics student Joshua Rosen decided to take leave from the university. “We wish Mr. […]
LiAngelo Asks If “Steals” Can Be Added To Otherwise Poor Stat Sheet
HANGZHOU, CHINA — After being apprehended for stealing merchandise from a store in China, LiAngelo Ball was left wanting to know if these “steals” could […]
Body Language of Bruin Mascot at Events Growing Increasingly Despondent, Depressing
WESTWOOD — UCLA students watched with curiosity over the past several weeks as the body language of Joe Bruin, the school’s lovable mascot who attends […]