Macron Calls To Congratulate USAC President-Elect
PARIS — When news of Friday’s undergraduate student council election results reached across the Atlantic, French President Emmanuel Macron rushed to be the first to […]
New Silver Lake Restaurant Serves “Conceptual” Meals
SILVER LAKE — Following a year of overwhelming anticipation within the community, “Food for Thought,” a restaurant that only serves “conceptual” meals, has opened this week. […]
Burt Fires Bees In Mass Company Layoffs
DURHAM, NC — According to a statement made this morning from cosmetic company Burt’s Bees Chief Executive Officer, Burt, the company will be issuing mass layoffs […]
Area Key Loses Man
WESTWOOD — Early Monday morning, an area house key realized it had misplaced its owner and became late for work while searching for him. “Goddamnit. You […]
coalition of lo-fi artists ban capital letters
a basement — this tuesday, a board of music producers in charge of overseeing the lo-fi artistic community released a memo to their constituency banning […]
Quirky Professor Asks For “Bueller” While Taking Attendance
WESTWOOD — At 8:00 AM this morning, physics professor Dr. Gilbert Krenshaw made a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while taking attendance by […]
Report: You’ve Read All Your Free Articles For This Month
WESTWOOD — Citing the paywall triggered after reading three articles in a given month, The Westwood Enabler reported that you have exhausted all of your […]
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Body Pillow Found In Basement Of Shapiro Residence
LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week a body pillow, otherwise known as a “dakimakura,” depicting U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was found in the basement of the […]
Student Who Never Went To Class Takes Grad Pics On Campus
WESTWOOD — Amy Allens, fourth-year English student and soon-to-be UCLA alumna, took to Instagram to unveil her array of graduation pictures, poetically taken in front […]
Daily Bruin Granted Unprecedented Access To Taliban
WESTWOOD — In a recent development set to quell criticism of what many decry as “vapid” content from the publication, the Daily Bruin has been […]