Point: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on T.V. / Counterpoint: Let’s Fucking Not
P: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on TV. By: Dylan Wood Baseball is such a fun sport. I know it takes four hours, but it’s […]
CDC: Fully Vaccinated People Can Smoke Cigarettes They Find On Ground
ATLANTA — On Wednesday evening, the Centers for Disease Control announced a change in their guidelines for fully vaccinated Americans, allowing them to take one […]
Op-Ed: Jesus Christ, My Heel Hurts So Much
I went to the doctor the other day. I had been having stabbing pains in my heel for well over a decade. My wife, John […]
Room Temperature Water Sends UCLA Student Into Anaphylactic Shock
WESTWOOD — Third-year English student Cody Carter was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center on Friday after sipping room temperature water that he mistook […]
Point: I Miss The Outdoors / Counterpoint: You Can Still Go Outdoors.
P: I Miss The Outdoors. By: Gregory Schneebles This pandemic has been terrible. I dream of the day when I can once again go outside […]
Guy Making Jokes In Lecture Chat Releases Netflix Special
WESTWOOD — Third-year psychobiology student Neil Korsch is preparing to release a Netflix stand-up comedy special later this month after his critically acclaimed set in […]
Area Man’s Art Still Sucks Despite Depression Diagnosis
PORTLAND, OR — After several unlucky years spent developing his craft, things were finally starting to look up for local painter Chuck Picasso (no relation) […]
Only Time Student Pays Attention to Tell Professor Mic Not Working
WESTWOOD — Second-year biology major Jennifer McGonnifer unmuted herself during a Zoom lecture on Wednesday to tell the professor his audio was not working, although […]
Area Man Worried Quarantine Will End Before Beard Grows In
SAN FRANCISCO — As COVID vaccination distribution and reopening plans continue across the state, local semi-rugged man Hunter Short has been increasingly anxious that his […]
Op-Ed: Everyone Is Getting COVID Without Me And I Have Major FOMO
How would you feel if every day you checked the news and saw that hundreds of thousands of people were going to a party, and […]