All victims have now safely returned to their families. WESTWOOD—Following reports of several missing graduates, a search and rescue operation…
Read more →Kiprop previously participated in competitive clothed runs. WESTWOOD—In what commentators are describing as a “fantastic return to form”, former Olympic gold…
Read more →Food and hygiene are among a growing list of things Mr. Hess says he “will get to.” WESTWOOD—Saying “no worries,…
Read more →Already-published novels are set to be burnt in friendly book burnings featuring GoT cosplay. HOLLYWOOD – Epic fantasy scholars have…
Read more →Professor Hall has become the first Vine user in history to have over 10,000 Vines and 0 likes. WESTWOOD, CA…
Read more →
WESTWOOD—Following reports of several missing graduates, a search and rescue operation carried out by the Los Angeles Fire Department this morning revealed a total of 17 individuals trapped inside the sinkhole commonly referred to as the “inverted fountain”. With the help of a crane, drills, and trained rescue canines, the alumni who had been trapped for…
WESTWOOD—In what commentators are describing as a “fantastic return to form”, former Olympic gold medalist Asbel Kiprop stunned the crowd tonight with a record-breaking performance in UCLA’s 12th annual Undie Run. Skipping under Spaulding field and through Wilson plaza with ease, the Kenya native and World Championship-winning middle distance runner recorded a time of 3:57.21…
WESTWOOD—Saying “no worries, I got this,” second year Michael Hess reportedly reckons that he only has about an hour left to kill before he “really has to buckle down” and finish his final paper. Noting that “I won’t be playing for much longer” and “I’m kind of on a roll right now so it’d be…
WESTWOOD, CA — Struggling to engage his students in yet another lecture, History professor Vincent Hall implemented a new teaching method early this quarter incorporating the popular video-sharing app Vine. Vine allows users to film and share 6 second videos that play on an infinite loop. Hall says he turned to Vine after exhausting all…
WESTWOOD—Earlier today, the Westwood Enabler received confirmation that a doctor working in the Ashe Center had diagnosed a student as being “sick.” According to reports, the patient stumbled into the waiting room at about 2:34 PM with slurred speech, bloodshot eyes, and severe tremors across his body. When asked if he had an appointment, he…
SEATTLE—Upon noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded that the rodent actually took pleasure in several experiments normally expected to cause pain. Tests including labyrinth runs, random beatings, as well as ingestion of multiple pharmaceutical drugs at once were run in shortly…
I am an angry Korean-American, and let me tell you why. May 5th is not actually Cinco de Mayo. It’s Children’s Day, bitch. Okay, it’s Cinco de Mayo too, but I can guarantee you almost no one knows why it’s celebrated. Especially not my family. (Hint: Cinco de Mayo is not actually Mexico’s Independence Day.…
Honey.…
Dear…
Now…
As…
It’s…
HOLLYWOOD – Epic fantasy scholars have recently discovered that the best-selling book series A Song of Ice and Fire contains major spoilers for the hit HBO series “Game of Thrones.” Upon reading the book series as part of a seminar designed for professors, some “Game of Thrones” fans among the professors noticed the series contained…
WESTWOOD…
WESTWOOD…
Are…
WESTWOOD—With…
Roses.…
