Bruin Café Introduces 3 a.m. “Hate Yourself” Meal Period


WESTWOOD—In an effort to better accommodate the eating habits of the typical college student, Bruin Café has added a new “Hate Yourself” dining period to their hours of operation. For one swipe, students can choose from a variety of take-out meals including an entire tub of ice cream, pasta sauce straight out of a jar,…

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University Of California Divests From Self

UC leaders announce their decision to divest from the University of California (Source: Associated Press)

OAKLAND—Declaring that they can no longer support an institution invested in companies that facilitate civil rights abuses and climate change among other issues, the UC board of regents announced plans today to pull funding from the University of California system. Funding from a wide array of sources, including corporate holdings in the coal industry as well…

Students Disappointed At Enormous Activities Fair’s Lack Of Enormous Activities

UCLA students participating in an activity.

WESTWOOD—”I’ve never felt so bitterly disappointed in my life,” said freshman Emily Offshore. Like many others, Offshore visited UCLA’s Enormous Activities Fair (EAF) to view the activities. “But it wasn’t what I was expecting,” Offshore explained. “There were so many activities – writing, singing, math, science, even some shitty satirical newspaper. But none were enormous.”…

Obama Makes Cuts To Length Of Day

Several proposed policies involve removing the sun entirely.

WASHINGTON—Citing the immense cost it takes to power the sun as well as a lack of sun-related job creation, president Obama announced today that the federal government will be extending its drastic cuts to the number of a daylight hours in a day effective throughout the fall season. “America can no longer support such a…

Campus Wet

Source: Twitter, @UCLA_Nation

WESTWOOD—Flooded with what has been described as “a whole bunch of water”, parts of campus were closed yesterday because they got all wet and they had to dry. Sources indicate that the water came out of the ground and went on all sorts of different stuff, causing stairs to be wet, trashcans, as well as…


The Enabler Asks You: Bcaf’s New Turkey Sandwich

A petition to bring back Bcaf’s old turkey sandwich recipe has gained nearly 400 supporters. Though the original sandwich was criticized for its high sodium content, many students are not pleased by the restaurant’s re-imagining of what was once their most popular item. Here’s what some of our readers think.


A Song Of Ice And Fire Spoils Game Of Thrones

Already-published novels are set to be burnt in friendly book burnings featuring GoT cosplay.

HOLLYWOOD – Epic fantasy scholars have recently discovered that the best-selling book series A Song of Ice and Fire contains major spoilers for the hit HBO series “Game of Thrones.” Upon reading the book series as part of a seminar designed for professors, some “Game of Thrones” fans among the professors noticed the series contained…