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Rendezvous sign with additional sign that says "Bless this mess"

UCLA To Open Rendez Midwest Offering Daily Casserole Specials

November 30, 2023 Tal Israeli 0

MIDWESTWOOD — UCLA Dining has unveiled plans to expand its Rendezvous West & East dining halls with an extension focused on a different regional cuisine: […]

President Biden holding lipstick and wearing lipstick.

Joe Biden Pledges To Give Every IDF Soldier A Kiss On The Lips

November 29, 2023 Anonymous 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following increasing calls for a ceasefire since the start of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Joe Biden has declared that he will personally go […]

small children in blue shirts playing football

UCLA Football Salvages Season With Win Over Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team

November 29, 2023 Josh Dittrich 0

ROSE BOWL — UCLA Football ended its season on a positive note following their late fourth-quarter comeback against the Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team. “What […]

Academic Weapon Commits To Pacifism

November 28, 2023 Alyssa Wong 0

WESTWOOD – In a press release sent out at 2 a.m. today, second-year neuroscience major Pri Medd announced she would officially be laying down her […]

Cartoon dinosaur wearing sunglasses and playing the electric guitar.

“What’s The World’s Smartest Dinosaur? A Thesaurus!” And 3 Other Silly Jokes About Dinosaurs And Thesauruses To Impress Your Unresponsive Father

November 26, 2023 Harry Song 0

Just a well-written joke all around! The multiple synonyms at the end really make that punchline hit hard, and your father will definitely see that […]

White, blond man smiling

Golden Retriever Energy! Man Diagnosed With Bone Cancer

November 26, 2023 Elena Whitlock 0

RONALD REAGAN HOSPITAL — Local resident John Smith, a boyish man whose off-putting Hinge bio describes him as having “golden retriever energy,” has recently received […]

Ackerman Union’s Cheddar News Goes Bankrupt, Now Mozzarella Media

November 22, 2023 Cynthia Tran 0

WESTWOOD — Cheddar News, the news channel displayed on Ackerman Union’s TVs, declared their bankruptcy today with plans to become Mozzarella Media. “Although it is […]

BPlate Unveils New “Eldritch Concoction” Dish

November 21, 2023 Evan Ballow 0

BPLATE CATACOMBS — UCLA Dining unveiled its latest culinary offering, the Eldritch Concoction, Sunday evening in an underground ceremony featuring fanatical chants, quinoa, and ritual […]

Gladiator in UCLA garb slays a USC gladiator

Rivalry Game Held at Actual Coliseum, Features Deadly Gladiatorial Combat

November 20, 2023 Matthew Graves 0

ROME — Football fans were shocked on Saturday when this year’s “Battle for LA” did not take place in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, but […]

Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting

November 17, 2023 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]

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  • Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting

    WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]

  • Silhouette of a person singing in the shower with a microphone.

    Record Label Signs Hedrick Hall Shower Singer

    LA LA LAND — After a scramble for one of the most sought-after, up-and-coming artists, We The Best Music Group has secured a lucrative deal […]

  • Old man holding lantern in dark room.

    Report: Strange Things Afoot

    BAKERSFIELD — After an increase in sightings of shadowy figures and odd characters, many are beginning to believe that strange things are afoot. “The curse… […]

  • “I Love Camping!” This Student Has Been In A Freebies Line Since Yesterday

    WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Psychology major and camping enthusiast Abby Nguyen was spotted today on her latest excursion: a freebies line in Bruin Plaza. “Waiting in […]

  • White Girl Loves De Neve’s Luxury Multi-Cultural Dining

    First-year World Arts and Culture major Meg Ann Smith was overjoyed with the wide variety of sophisticated cuisine as well as the tasteful lighting and […]

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Maya Chatrathi
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