This amateur magician from Stanford just pulled a logic-defying stunt. Wow. Have you ever wondered how magicians like Harry Houdini…
Read more →Reagan’s hologram was confirmed to be notably handsome. WASHINGTON, DC — At a press conference held at the Republican National…
Read more →Absentee father Kyle Carpenter weighed in on the Brexit decision. LONDON—Upon learning that the United Kingdom would officially be leaving…
Read more →Rogers and Sowers vowed to “make the whole long distance thing work” shortly before high school graduation. WESTWOOD—Sources confirmed Friday…
Read more →The idea of sexual gratification is a frequent player in Bradley’s fantasies. WESTWOOD—Admitting that he’s drawn to the idea of living a life…
Read more →WASHINGTON, DC — At a press conference held at the Republican National Committee headquarters earlier today, RNC chairman Reince Priebus jubilantly announced that he had booked a hologram of the 44th President of the United States and conservative icon Ronald Reagan to perform at the party’s nominating convention this week. “They brought Tupac back as…
LONDON—Upon learning that the United Kingdom would officially be leaving the European Union, absentee fathers everywhere have been announcing their unconditional support for “Brexit.” “Anyone can be a man, but it takes a dad who abandoned his own family to realize this is a great decision for the UK,” said Kyle Carpenter, who left his…
ISRAEL—Jesus Christ, the inspiration for the Christian faith, will take the next couple of days to collect a pair of sheepskin moccasins and a favorite sweater he left in the Jewish fishing village of Capernaum. “I finally had some time on my hands so I thought I would swing down and pick up a few…
WESTWOOD—Sources confirmed Friday that the last remaining long distance relationship that began in high school between Amber Rogers and David Sowers has finally come to end after an hour and a half Skype call. “It is such a bummer, she was supposed to come stay in our room for a week since she is already…
WESTWOOD—Admitting that he’s drawn to the idea of living a life of lust-filled gratification in an entropic universe with no intrinsic meaning, Philosophy major Anthony Bradley reported that he would definitely resort to nihilistic hedonism as a lifestyle if he were capable of getting laid. “I find the idea pretty attractive,” Bradley said. “Living solely…
WESTWOOD—Freshman James Beckstead noted he saw a figure approaching that very closely resembled his CHEM 14A study partner from the fall quarter, but as their paths crossed, no interaction was recorded. “Earlier today on Bruinwalk, I wasn’t sure if it was him or not, so I kept pretending I was looking at my phone until…
Alright Honda and BMW; you win. You have annihilated me with your demonic morphage of Sedan and SUV that I have seen clobbering gracelessly down these once picturesque streets far too many times. That’s right, I’m talking about your sickeningly hybridic models, the Crosstour and x6, respectively. How did we get here, Honda and BMW?…
For…
You…
When…
Dear…
Point…
