As is Earth custom, Vega claimed her crown whilst sparing her vanquished foes. Source: Latin Times MIAMI— In an event televised…
Read more →A number of former Daily Bruin staff members have parlayed their experience working on the paper into successful careers as…
Read more →THE UNITED STATES—In the midst of celebrations ringing in the new year, Americans across the country are reportedly relieved to…
Read more →Chancellor Block had a big year this year. Let’s take a look at some of his most memorable moments of…
Read more →Never before have North Korea’s missiles been described in such detail. PYONGYANG—Claiming vast amounts of rhetorical power as well as…
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MIAMI— In an event televised across the galactic quadrant, the humans of Earth have chosen from among their flock a new “Miss Universe” to reign over all of mankind for the next solar cycle. The contestant, who chooses to be called “Paulina Vega”, is 22 years of age, a resident of the Earth nation known…
WASHINGTON, DC—Claiming vast overreaches in executive power, Republican leaders came out in criticism of president Obama today after his delivering of an unapproved State of the Union address. “We have tried to work with the president on this time and time again, but sadly he refused all our suggestions,” said speaker John Boehner, referring to…
WESTWOOD—A recent survey of Daily Bruin readership revealed that 100% of readers only picked up the award-winning student-run newspaper for its crossword puzzle and Sudoku. This statistic, though, is nothing new to Daily Bruin staff. “The Daily Bruin is a free newspaper, so our revenue and livelihood as a paper are completely dependent on advertisement…
THE UNITED STATES—In the midst of celebrations ringing in the new year, Americans across the country are reportedly relieved to learn that the crucial issues of 2014 are now officially irrelevant. “Man, the whole Ferguson issue was really starting to get me down,” said Jacob Whittier, a Chicago attorney who started no fewer than 60 Facebook…
PYONGYANG—Claiming vast amounts of rhetorical power as well as the idea of a massive army, North Korean officials announced plans today to metaphorically annihilate the entire western seaboard of the United States in a statement released to several major media outlets. The revelation comes in the midst of Sony’s decision to move forward on a…
WESTWOOD—Rejoicing in what surely must have been an act of the Almighty Lord, students in Night Powell praised his Holy Name tonight as, for the third consecutive night, they saw their laptop batteries continue to function well beyond the 7% warning. Batteries at such low levels are often expected to last for 15 minutes or…
I have a bone to pick with the almighty movie critics of this world: why the hell haven’t they told me what to think of Christopher Nolan’s newest film, Interstellar? Sure: it has a seventy-two percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which makes me think that it’s probably a good movie, but how is a man supposed…
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I have a bone to pick with the almighty movie critics of this world: why the hell haven’t they told me what to think of Christopher Nolan’s newest film, Interstellar? Sure: it has a seventy-two percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which makes me think that it’s probably a good movie, but how is a man supposed…
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WESTWOOD—With…
