Cabo Prepares

Cabo is reportedly bracing itself. CABO SAN LUCAS, MEXICO—In anticipation of rowdy Spring Break crowds, the resort town of Cabo…

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News

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Man Begins Running Solely To Carbo Load

SACRAMENTO–Clarifying that he is not actually interested in getting fit, new runner Joshua Miller announced on social media that he is only interested in running so he has a reason to carbo load. “Sure, it might be nice to get up a flight of stairs without panting so heavily, but I’m mostly interested so I’ll…

Study: Nothing Better Than Just Kickin’ It With The Boys

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—A study conducted by researchers at the University of Virginia concluded that nothing beats just hanging out and having a good time with the boys. “After a long and arduous research process, our team has confirmed that there is nothing better than kicking it back and chilling with your homies,” said Dr. Andrew Harkin,…

Study: Legalized Dueling Would Cause Significant Reduction Of Stupid Population

CHICAGO, IL—Scientists at the University of Chicago have concluded a two-year long study that proves legalized dueling would be a highly effective method of reducing the stupid population. “Look, the fact of the matter is that we have a lot of impulsive, hyper adrenaline-dosed, short-tempered morons in this country,” said project head and human psychology…

Man Receives Prophecy From Different Gypsy Woman Than Usual

WESTWOOD–Local man Martin Thompson was surprised today when his daily prophecy was delivered to him by a different gypsy woman than usual. “Usually when I’m heading to work, she’ll stand on the street corner and cackle something like ‘beware pride’ or ‘your children will drown in the blood of your crimes,’ but it’s someone different…

Opinion

Op-Ed: So Pedophilia Is The Line?

As the world’s most dangerous faggot™ I, Milo Yiannopoulos, have always strived to present the true and disturbing facts about the cancerous spread of third wave feminism and the hypocritical efforts of the PC police to install an authoritarian regime in the United States. I have called out cucks, fat chicks, transgender snowflakes, and all…