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Sunday, April 22, 2018
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BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA

WESTWOOD — In a surprising act that sent shockwaves across the country, The Westwood Neighborhood Council sent armed troops to occupy…

By Jack Lyons, in Campus News on April 14, 2018 .

Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!

Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike…

By Alex Kukoff, in First Pass Lists on April 12, 2018 .

BREAKING: Freshman’s Virginity Still Going Strong

WESTWOOD—It’s spring quarter, and somehow, local freshman James Rosenberg’s virginity is still intact. “I knew it was going to take…

By Ross Rosenthal, in Campus News News in Briefs on April 12, 2018 .

Nancy Pelosi Had Relaxing Weekend Screaming Into Abyss

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After working around the clock to oppose the Republican party’s legislative agenda, sources close to minority leader…

By Nathan Glovinsky, in National News News in Briefs Politics on April 12, 2018 .

Helpful Gym Regular Corrects Newcomer’s Form

WESTWOOD—Last night at B-Fit, freshman Rodney Caldwell was reportedly using the tricep machine without properly bending his knees, but business…

By Drew Muxlow, in News News in Briefs on April 12, 2018 .

Area Man Spins Alcoholism Into Funny Anecdote

WESTWOOD—Earlier today UCLA student Scott Arnedt told his a friends a funny story that could be completely attributed to his…

By Brian McReynolds, in News News in Briefs on April 12, 2018 .

Report: B-Fit Playing That Song Again

WESTWOOD—Sources inside the Bruin Fitness Center (B-Fit) weight room confirmed on Monday that the campus gym was again playing that…

By Jack Lyons, in Campus News News in Briefs on April 12, 2018 .

Kid Shocked To Discover Parents Are Actually Married

LOS ANGELES—In a shocking turn of events, local six-year-old Aiden Thomas recently discovered his parents, previously thought to just be…

By Alex Kukoff, in News News in Briefs on April 12, 2018 .

Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy

WESTWOOD—An offhand affirmation recently imparted by UCLA biochemistry professor Keith Abrams to one of his students was just enough to…

By Alex Kukoff, in Campus News News in Briefs Uncategorized on April 12, 2018 .

Taking A Stand: These 5 Senators Announced They Will Not Be Inviting President Trump To Their Birthday Parties

Dianne Feinstein is known by her Senate colleagues as “the Queen of birthday parties,” and this June’s big 8-5 is…

By Jack Lyons, in First Pass National News News Politics on April 11, 2018 .

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The Latest

  • BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA
  • Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!
  • BREAKING: Freshman’s Virginity Still Going Strong
  • Nancy Pelosi Had Relaxing Weekend Screaming Into Abyss
  • Helpful Gym Regular Corrects Newcomer’s Form
  • Area Man Spins Alcoholism Into Funny Anecdote
  • Report: B-Fit Playing That Song Again
  • Kid Shocked To Discover Parents Are Actually Married
  • Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy
  • Taking A Stand: These 5 Senators Announced They Will Not Be Inviting President Trump To Their Birthday Parties

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