Ally Would Totally Date Girls If Like, Into That
WESTWOOD — Reports confirm this past Tuesday, Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (L.G.B.T.) ally Jillian Smith claimed she would totally date girls…
Ruth Bader Ginsburg To Embark On Quest For Immortality
WASHINGTON, D. C. — After learning that President Donald Trump will be appointing another Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg…
Miss America Pageant to Replace Swimsuit Competition With Naked Mud Wrestle
NEW YORK—The Miss America Organization has reportedly dropped the swimsuit portion of the competition, replacing the category with a WWE-style…
Lebron James One-Man Show To Open Off-Broadway After NBA Finals
MANHATTAN, NY— After several months of uncertainty, an opening date for LeBron James’s one-man show, Kingy Boots, has finally been…
Op-Ed: I Took Ambien And Woke Up At a KKK Rally
As a god-fearing woman, I have never participated in the dangerous activity of binge drinking. My friends would always tell…
Birthright Trip Also Subsidizes Guilt
JERUSALEM—In a press release, Birthright Israel has stated they will now subsidize the guilt liberal American participants feel for being…
Area Woman Just Loves Bread
WESTWOOD—During her weekly night out with her three best girlfriends last Thursday, area woman Makenna Donahue proudly proclaimed that she…
New Sheriff Realizes He In Wrong Town
GREENWOOD, MISSISSIPPI—Upon reporting for duty on his first day at work and proclaiming “there’s a new sheriff in town,” recently-relocated…
Report: Your Best Not Good Enough
WESTWOOD—According to a new report corroborated by your collective of friends, family, classmates, and employers, your best is not good…
Study: Second-Borns More Likely To Have Older Sibling
WESTWOOD — After observing datasets including thousands of families from a variety of different backgrounds, researchers from the UCLA Department of…