WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Thursday morning, the National Coalition of Male Feminists announced its new “Bitch Respecting” initiative. “As male feminists, it’s not our place to push Congress to protect abortion rights or to stop our creepy friend Jason from perving on freshman girls. But it is our place to say we’re fed up with bitches not being respected, and we’re not gonna let it keep happening,” said spokesperson James Prick as he stared directly at your chest. “Just because females were put on this earth to give BJs and make men sandwiches doesn’t mean we shouldn’t say ‘thank you’ when they’re done. Also, women should be allowed to vote.” At press time, coalition representatives suggested you should smile more.
