Op-Ed: Our Carbon Footprints Aren’t As Big As Our Carbon Assprints
To preface this argument, I would just like to acknowledge that I care about society a lot. I do think that the climate is changing […]
Opinion
Op-Ed: Maybe The Real President Is The Friends We Made Along The Way
It’s been one heck of an election year, folks. And I don’t know about y’all, but I had a swell time. From eating corn dogs […]
Op-Ed: As A Student Athlete, I Only Break Quarantine To Slap My Friend’s Ass
I am a proud member of the UCLA basketball team, and I respect that COVID-19 is a serious threat to the community. I would never […]
Op-Ed: Bernie Sanders Can Still Win 2016 Presidential Election
The lies of the bourgeois press may have led you to believe that the 2016 presidential election has already concluded. Well, I’m here to tell […]
Roommate Going To Finish Bananas This Time
WESTWOOD — After returning from Ralphs today at 12:30 p.m. PST, your roommate assured you that he is definitely going to finish the bananas he […]
Man Drinks The Fuck Out Of Glass Of Water
ENCINO, CA — The nation reeled Sunday afternoon after learning that area man Chis Peterson really just drank the fuck out of his glass of […]
Senior Who Taught You How To Do Line Admitted To Law School
WESTWOOD — Westley Frump, the senior who gave you your first line of cocaine in the bathroom of a house party, has reportedly been admitted […]
Op-Ed: I Definitely Love My Husband
The first thing that I want to make unequivocally clear is that I have never in my life not loved my husband. I love the […]
Op-Ed: Women Under 5’6” Should Be Allowed To See Little Women For Free
When I first saw Little Women I was surprised by how big the women were. I quickly got over my shock when I realized that […]
Op-Ed: I Will Only Vote For Bernie Sanders If He Yells Louder
I grew up in a lighthouse on the coast, my father a foghorn and my mother a seagull. I was nineteen by the time I […]