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Opinion

Op-Ed: Our Carbon Footprints Aren’t As Big As Our Carbon Assprints

February 22, 2021 Al Gore 0

To preface this argument, I would just like to acknowledge that I care about society a lot. I do think that the climate is changing […]

Op-Ed: Maybe The Real President Is The Friends We Made Along The Way

November 4, 2020 Guy Manson 0

It’s been one heck of an election year, folks. And I don’t know about y’all, but I had a swell time. From eating corn dogs […]

Op-Ed: As A Student Athlete, I Only Break Quarantine To Slap My Friend’s Ass

October 14, 2020 Connor Marshall 0

I am a proud member of the UCLA basketball team, and I respect that COVID-19 is a serious threat to the community. I would never […]

Op-Ed: Bernie Sanders Can Still Win 2016 Presidential Election

October 6, 2020 Kylie Kinne 0

The lies of the bourgeois press may have led you to believe that the 2016 presidential election has already concluded. Well, I’m here to tell […]

Roommate Going To Finish Bananas This Time

October 6, 2020 Jay Varhula 0

WESTWOOD — After returning from Ralphs today at 12:30 p.m. PST, your roommate assured you that he is definitely going to finish the bananas he […]

Man Drinks The Fuck Out Of Glass Of Water

September 30, 2020 Jay Varhula 0

ENCINO, CA — The nation reeled Sunday afternoon after learning that area man Chis Peterson really just drank the fuck out of his glass of […]

Senior Who Taught You How To Do Line Admitted To Law School

September 23, 2020 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — Westley Frump, the senior who gave you your first line of cocaine in the bathroom of a house party, has reportedly been admitted […]

Op-Ed: I Definitely Love My Husband

May 5, 2020 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

The first thing that I want to make unequivocally clear is that I have never in my life not loved my husband. I love the […]

Op-Ed: Women Under 5’6” Should Be Allowed To See Little Women For Free

March 24, 2020 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

When I first saw Little Women I was surprised by how big the women were. I quickly got over my shock when I realized that […]

Op-Ed: I Will Only Vote For Bernie Sanders If He Yells Louder

March 3, 2020 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

I grew up in a lighthouse on the coast, my father a foghorn and my mother a seagull. I was nineteen by the time I […]

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