Op-Ed: It Bugs Me How Wife Squeezes Toothpaste At Middle of Tube, Cheats On Me With Ten People At A Time
Nothing irks me more than when I walk into the bathroom, grab my toothbrush, turn on the faucet, and pivot left to see my wife […]
Opinion
Op-Ed: Every Morning I Wake Up And Go To War
What are you doing at 4:00 in the morning? Most of UCLA is either asleep, hungover like degenerate civilians, or having sex without giving a […]
Quirky Professor Asks For “Bueller” While Taking Attendance
WESTWOOD — At 8:00 AM this morning, physics professor Dr. Gilbert Krenshaw made a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while taking attendance by […]
Report: You’ve Read All Your Free Articles For This Month
WESTWOOD — Citing the paywall triggered after reading three articles in a given month, The Westwood Enabler reported that you have exhausted all of your […]
Sepi’s Files Counterproposal To Evict Steve Sann
WESTWOOD — Following efforts by the Westwood Community Council to pressure Sepi’s into leaving Westwood, the local bar and restaurant filed a counterproposal to evict […]
BREAKING: Westwood Enabler Writers Are Going On Strike
To the Associated Students UCLA Communications Board, Jacob Preal, Abigail Goldman, Doria Deen and the readers of the Westwood Enabler, We, the undersigned, are writing […]
Op-Ed: PAC Shirts Should Be Brighter
I have a lot of respect for the Pediatric Aids Coalition (PAC). Its cause — researching a cure for pediatric HIV/AIDS — is extremely noble, […]
Op-Ed: If I Wear Jeans, You Must Call Me Jeans Block
To the Campus Community: On Monday morning, I substituted my normal chancellorial slacks for a pair of comfortable, stylish, denim jeans. Yet for the entire […]
Wario Opens Up About Struggle With Obesity
My name is Wario. I have been blessed to be a team member in the Nintendo franchise for 27 years, serving as a foil to […]
P: Men Are Born Free, And Everywhere He Is In Chains. CP: Do Yo Chain Hang Low And Wobble To Da Flow?
Point Men Are Born Free, And Everywhere He Is In Chains. By: Jean-Jacques Rousseau You may believe you are a free individual, but in reality, […]