Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient

Greetings, lesser one.

It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, as I drifted into a peaceful slumber, I utilized my New York Times subscription for the first time, and directed my auditory receptors toward The Daily. I arose this morning (levitating two feet above my bed) and discovered that I knew everything.

Heed my words, pitiful reader, for my brain overflows with knowledge. Witness as I subtly insert facts about the debt ceiling into our next conversation, demonstrating my political know-how and everlasting wisdom. Then, when you think that I cannot possibly extrapolate any more information from a single podcast, observe my prowess as I remind you: I listened to The Daily, and you did not.

As I recite all that I have learned from sacred host Michael Barbaro, from the Texan fracking crisis, to the dangers of fracking in Texas, to perhaps even Texas’ economic ties with fracking. I am power. I am knowledge. I am The Daily.