Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9
Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]
Life
Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart
MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]
Radical Ally? This Student Just Said “Gracias” Instead of Thank You To A Rende West Worker
WESTWOOD — Second year Business Economics and Psychology double major Kayeighleighy White was celebrated with a round of applause for saying “gracias” to a Rende […]
“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour
SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]
Opinion: No, Your Shared Spotify Playlist With Your Ex Is Not A Subliminal Message
I know what it’s like to go through a break up. I understand the urge to read into their every Instagram like and Bitmoji location […]
Opinion: IBS Isn’t Hot Because Diarrhea Is Gross, Actually
Have you heard about how hot girls have IBS? How all the hottest girls are on a low FODMAP diet and can’t look at a […]
7 Reasons To Stop Bitching About The Rain
I get it. You’re a spoiled Californian who has never experienced “seasons” or the minor inconvenience known as rain. Well, quit your whining. I happen […]
Wuss Uses Umbrella In Thunderstorm
WESTWOOD — Bearing resemblance to a spoon-fed toddler, local wuss Jimmy Wetblanket was spotted using an umbrella on campus following thunderstorm warnings. “I don’t understand […]
Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]
