Person Who Woke Up For 8 AM Lived Ten Lifetimes By Time You Woke Up

SAMSARA – Local history major and winner of the self-given “bravest and most grizzled person of all time” award Jenette Broxton is reported to have actually lived ten full lifetimes by your rise-and-shine time. “What time did you get up? Noon? Double digits? Plebeian,” said Broxton, who said they awoke not at 6 AM but 6 AD. “While you were sleeping like a wee babe, I observed the dregs of the night time as they bled into the day. In that moment, all was one. I have looked into the eyes of God and seen all my shining souls staring back. I have felt the cosmos. I have seen all.” At press time, Broxton was seen slumped over their chair asleep at 4 pm in YRL.

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Ammi Lane-Volz has a rock in their shoe. Hey, guys, wait-- guys, stop walking so they can get this rock out of their shoe.