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School

Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9

January 27, 2023 Jade Lacy 0

Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]

Housing Adds “Homoerotic Tension” Option to Male Roommate Contracts

December 16, 2022 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — Preparing for the renewal of roommate contracts for Winter Quarter, UCLA Housing has added a “Homoerotic Tension” clause, hoping to play matchmaker. “We […]

UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy

December 14, 2022 Aidan Brooks 0

WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]

Opinion: How Bringing My Copy Of “Ready Player Two” With Me To The Dining Hall Helped Me Get Laid

November 24, 2022 Bustopher Jones 0

Like many UCLA students, I had hoped to experience my first romance at this fine institution, but as an oft-ignored fellow, that moment seemed like […]

Opinion: USC Students Are Dumb Poopyheads

November 18, 2022 Gabe McNeill 0

People make many arguments as to why UCLA is better than USC, or vice versa. Some people say UCLA has a higher academic ranking. Others […]

Opinion: Maybe We Don’t Need The Environment

November 18, 2022 Bigg Oyle 0

Last night’s rally had me praying no SC kids were spying on us on campus, because I was embarrassed by how SNOWFLAKE we looked. I […]

USC Now Offering Participation Degree

November 17, 2022 Hanna Skikne 0

UNIVERSITY PARK— After several USC parents reached out to the university in regards to their children saying school was really really really hard, the administration […]

From “Ick” To “Sick”: The Guy You Were Planning On Ghosting Just Gave You Chlamydia

November 9, 2022 Idil Çenberci 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year communications major and amateur juggler Mike Rowe Dong is reported to have given you chlamydia after a night of passionless sex. Your […]

Fraternity Announces Only Moms Are Invited To Party This Weekend

October 28, 2022 Ava Allam 0

WESTWOOD — Your mom and dad just called, and they’re coming to visit you for Parents’ Weekend. Unfortunately for you, it’s also Halloweekend: arguably the […]

Professor Requiring Students To Purchase Her Divorce Memoir

October 25, 2022 Azalea Morris 0

WESTWOOD — Students in Professor Carol Williams’ Chemistry class were dismayed to learn Tuesday that 75% of their grade would consist of reading quizzes on […]

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