Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums
Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]
School
TAs Replaced! Cops With Funky Bicycles To Lead Sections From Now On
WESTWOOD — Following the recent authorization of the UAW strike, Chancellor Gene Block has made the executive decision to replace all TAs with the Campus […]
Person Who Woke Up For 8 AM Lived Ten Lifetimes By Time You Woke Up
SAMSARA – Local history major and winner of the self-given “bravest and most grizzled person of all time” award Jenette Broxton is reported to have […]
Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off
Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]
Second-Year Still Recovering From Epic Hometown Spring Break
WESTWOOD — Second-year Creative Writing major Sue Perr-Wilde is still in recovery from her epic spring break adventure where she re-explored her hometown grocery stores, […]
Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible
WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]
“People Take Notes On This?” Asks North Campus Student Who Only Uses iPad For Porn
WESTWOOD — As iPads become the note-taking tool of choice for STEM majors, humanities students are not so quick to jump on the bandwagon — […]
New Chancellor To Be Chosen On “The Chancellorette” Mondays On ABC
BURBANK — Following declining viewership, ABC announced early Monday morning that they would be creating a new chancellor-themed spinoff to the hit reality TV show […]
Former Plane-Seat-Kicking Baby Now Lecture-Seat-Kicking Adult
WESTWOOD — The student who keeps kicking your seat during lecture recently disclosed that he has been training for this moment since he was a […]