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Articles by Milo Ellison

About Milo Ellison
Hobby satirist turned published comedy extraordinaire.

Touring High Schooler Looks Like A Better Fit For Berkeley

June 9, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — A high school student touring the UCLA campus looks like they would be a better fit for second-rate UC Berkeley. “Usually when I’m […]

BREAKING: There Are Bugs Under Your Skin

May 5, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — The voices were right, there are bugs under your skin. “The colony of ants under your epidermis has been ignored for far too […]

Gene Block Opens New Filing Place For Student Petitions

April 25, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — Campus is at a complete standstill as news travels of the newest student-curated petition accomplishing nothing. “When will these dumb fuckin’ kids learn?” […]

Christopher Nolan Nukes UCLA For 5-Second “Oppenheimer” Shot

March 8, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — In what has now become a mass-casualty event, Christopher Nolan has nuked the UCLA campus for a 5-second B-reel scene in his new […]

StockX Now Selling Insulin

February 7, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

DETROIT — The popular reselling website StockX has now added insulin to its vast catalog in what internet scalpers are calling the “sugar rush.” “My […]

Report: Use Of Word “Unprecedented” Spiking

January 5, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

SEATTLE — As the Omicron variant ravages through the country, top language researchers have noticed a second surge of the word “unprecedented.” “It’s as if […]

Thanksgiving Renamed To White Thursday

November 25, 2021 Milo Ellison 0

WASHINGTON — In the spirit of color coordination and honoring our colonial past, the White House has announced that Thanksgiving will be renamed White Thursday. […]

Spooky! Computer Science Student Dresses Up As Woman To Scare Classmates

October 27, 2021 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — In the spirit of Halloween, third-year computer science student Andrew Hawkins plans to dress up as a woman, which would be his peers’ […]

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