WESTWOOD — A high school student touring the UCLA campus looks like they would be a better fit for second-rate UC Berkeley. “Usually when I’m doing these tours, you can kinda tell from the jump who’s a big fucking nerd,” said third-year tour guide Stephen Murray, who was turned down from three high schoolers’ Snapchats on his last tour. “They hang toward the back, hiding behind their parents like a shy toddler. It’s no biggie, though, they would fit right in with the more underdeveloped pissbaby university up north.” At press time, UC Berkeley Admissions was seen paying for advertising space on a YouTube video titled “How to Kiss.”
