Freshman Admit Has Highest SAT Score In Orientation Group
WESTWOOD — Derek Bowman, an incoming UCLA first year, excitedly announced that after sneaking peeks at his fellow admits’ class planners, he discovered he had […]
freshmen
Halloween Dorm Decor Accidentally Summons Dark Lord Baphomet
WESTWOOD — After taping a paper skeleton to the door of her Rieber Hall dorm, first-year Communication major Shelby Latwick was surprised to be greeted […]
First-Year Nervous About Appearing Happy This Parents Weekend
WESTWOOD — Days before UCLA’s upcoming Parents Weekend, first-year student Nathaniel Berns announced that he was feeling nervous about appearing happy during his parents’ upcoming […]
Report: Freshman Has Sophomore Standing
WESTWOOD — In an impressive display of power, first-year UCLA student Alana Kendrick announced last Tuesday that, despite the fact that it is her first […]
BREAKING: Freshman’s Virginity Still Going Strong
WESTWOOD — It’s spring quarter, and somehow, local freshman James Rosenberg’s virginity is still intact. “I knew it was going to take some time, but […]
Freshman Relieved She Done With Hardest Quarter
WESTWOOD — Sources report that first-year pre-anthropology major Amelia Collins is relieved she is done with her hardest quarter of her college career. “Everyone told me […]
Freshman Floor Plays Another Fucking Game of Cards Against Humanity
HEDRICK SUMMIT—Starved for human contact, residents of the ninth floor of Hedrick Summit played their fifth game of Cards Against Humanity in three days. “I […]