Vacationing Asshole Wears Only UCLA-Branded Clothes

THE CARIBBEAN SEA — Passengers aboard their Christmas Cruise have complained about fifth-year political science major Braeodean Sho-Woff and his exorbitant UCLA-branded outfits, which include Bruin socks, beanies, scarfs, and sweatshirts. “He’s an embarrassment to the family,” said Mrs. Sho-Woff. “He was the only blue and gold to be seen in the crowd of red and green at the Christmas dinner, and he did the same thing the week before to prove he was the smartest person at his grandma’s funeral.” At press time, Braeodean was trying to figure out how to swim in the Christmas Cruise pool while wearing two layers of UCLA sweatpants.