Taylor Swift to Start New, Flirtier Political Party
NASHVILLE, TN — In response to backlash regarding her recent endorsement for the Democratic party, Taylor Swift has released a statement regarding her plans to start […]
News in Briefs
Mom Watches Every “The Rock” Film for the Plot
WESTWOOD — Carla Batoots, proud mother of five, has recently caught the attention of film critics nationwide for her staunch defense of every movie starring […]
Domino’s Announces Free Eye Drops Now Included With Large Pizza
ANN ARBOR, MI – On Thursday, Domino’s Pizza Chief Operating Officer Russell Weiner announced that customers will now receive complimentary eye drops with their delivery […]
Area Woman Discovers Hair Color Changeable, Deeply Entrenched Flaws Not
WESTWOOD — In a recent turn of events, pretty subpar woman Madison Wheeler came to the upsetting realization that dyeing her hair did not transform […]
Student Health Organization Releases The Names Of People Using Your Shampoo
WESTWOOD — After protracting their expected weeklong investigation to over three months, Monday morning the UCLA Student Health Organization announced the names of people […]
Professors Collaborate To Ruin Josh’s Life
WESTWOOD — In an impressive display of teamwork, three UCLA professors collaborated specifically to ruin Josh’s life. “Both Professor [Julian] Wakeman and Professor [Rosa] Mohamed […]
Roommate Cooks Pasta Again
WESTWOOD — Returning home from a late evening class, third-year Biology major Ashley Barton is confirmed to have cooked pasta once again. “I like rigatoni,” […]
New Meal Plan Equates One Swipe With Ten Minutes At The Trough
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing Department recently instituted a new meal plan that would provide students with ten minutes at The Trough, a communal feeding […]
Halloween Dorm Decor Accidentally Summons Dark Lord Baphomet
WESTWOOD — After taping a paper skeleton to the door of her Rieber Hall dorm, first-year Communication major Shelby Latwick was surprised to be greeted […]
First-Year Nervous About Appearing Happy This Parents Weekend
WESTWOOD — Days before UCLA’s upcoming Parents Weekend, first-year student Nathaniel Berns announced that he was feeling nervous about appearing happy during his parents’ upcoming […]