The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
  • A&E
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • Life
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact

News in Briefs

Religious Scholars Discover Jesus Had a Balayage

June 23, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

VATICAN CITY — On Monday morning, the world’s leading religious scholars announced that Jesus actually had a balayage, contrary to their earlier reports that he […]

Touring High Schooler Looks Like A Better Fit For Berkeley

June 9, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — A high school student touring the UCLA campus looks like they would be a better fit for second-rate UC Berkeley. “Usually when I’m […]

Inclusivity Win! Nestle Treats Gay Child Slaves Just As Well As Straight Ones

June 1, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

NESTLE HEADQUARTERS — After the human rights organization International Rights Advocates filed legal action against Nestle alleging the use of child slave labor, Nestle CEO […]

Report! Stonehenge Only Epic Thing White People Have Ever Done

May 26, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

UNITED KINGDOM — A new report out of Exeter University claims to have proven that Stonehenge is the only epic thing to ever be done […]

Dog In Hiding After Owner Plays “Dog Days Are Over”

May 25, 2022 Billie Chang 0

WESTWOOD — Late Monday morning, 10-year-old French bulldog Missy was found by park-goers hiding in a makeshift bunker after her owner played Florence and the […]

Main Character Energy? This Girl In Your Class Refuses to Shut Up

May 19, 2022 Billie Chang 0

SCAND 50 — On Tuesday, excited freshman Lola Laurens readily responded to every statement made by her professor. “Mother and Father say I have to […]

Tom Holland To Play Timothée Chalamet In Upcoming Biopic

May 14, 2022 Harry Song 0

HOLLYWOOD — Marvel star Tom Holland has been confirmed to play Timothée Chalamet in the highly anticipated biopic, an announcement which follows the recent casting […]

Archaeologists Discover First Woman To Ever Put “Future Milf” In Her Tinder Bio

May 12, 2022 Blue Flood 0

WESTWOOD — A team of UCLA archaeologists announced Monday that, after years of digging, they have uncovered the first woman to ever write “future milf” […]

Powell Cat Denies BBL Allegations

May 11, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD— Campus celebrity Powell Cat has been looking especially juicy lately, and fans allege that he has had a Brazilian Butt Lift. “It’s disappointing to […]

Generational Trauma? Mom Looks Kind Of Sad

May 9, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

HOME — Your mother was seen looking sad on Monday evening, leading family members to believe she was suffering from the impact of generational trauma. […]

Posts navigation

1 2 … 46 »

Ivory Search

Featured Authors

Lily Kiamanesh
  • Opinion: I Heard Your Stomach Growl In Class But I’m A Really Nice Person
  • BREAKING: Everyone Who Commented “pls admit me” On UCLA’s Instagram Was Just Accepted
  • “PU!” And 3 Other Things Not To Say To Your Grandma At Her Wake

RECOMMENDED

  • “It Rhymes with Schmivorce” And Four Other Ways To Break The News To Your Kids

    May 17, 2022 0
  • Student Offered $1 Million Grant After Sending Professor The Perfect Email

    May 16, 2022 0
  • Tom Holland To Play Timothée Chalamet In Upcoming Biopic

    May 14, 2022 0
  • Archaeologists Discover First Woman To Ever Put “Future Milf” In Her Tinder Bio

    May 12, 2022 0
  • Powell Cat Denies BBL Allegations

    May 11, 2022 0
FOLLOW US
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
ARCHIVES

Copyright © 2022 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes