Huge Football Player Somehow Makes Kids’ Razor Scooter Work
CERRITOS, CA — Physicists have taken to the Razor Scooter headquarters in Cerritos, California earlier this week in an attempt to study the engineering genius […]
News in Briefs
Young Research Library Introduces Sensory Deprivation Tanks
WESTWOOD — In preparation for finals week, the Charles E. Young Research Library’s collaboration pods have been replaced with sensory deprivation tanks full of salt […]
Report: Whistleblower Not Actually Man Blowing Whistle
WASHINGTON, D.C — In light of President Donald Trump’s ongoing impeachment process, it has been brought to the attention of the general public that a […]
Feminist Hero Comments “OMG!!!” On Female Acquaintance’s Instagram Photo
LOS ANGELES — In the name of advancing women’s equality, feminist hero Serena Colli commented “OMG!!!” on a female acquaintance’s photo. “I don’t even know […]
Facebook Post Of Crying Lady Liberty Prevents War With Iran
PORTLAND, OR — The nation breathed a collective sigh of relief on Tuesday when area mom Sharon Johnson posted a JPEG of the Statue of […]
Biden Cautions Voters To Not Let Their Dreams Become Reality
CEDAR RAPIDS — At a campaign stop in Iowa on Thursday, former Vice President and Democratic hopeful Joe Biden cautioned voters to not let their […]
UCLA Changes Zero Waste Initiative To Zero Waste Receptacles Initiative
WESTWOOD — After realizing that their Zero Waste Initiative was not going to be accomplished by 2020, UCLA Sustainability has revised their goal into the […]
Student Munches Lunch at Bunche
WESTWOOD — Imprudent third year theater student Daniel Dent munches crunchy lunch inside of Bunche. “I know it’s ambitious, and a bit suspicious, but my […]
Only Man In Gender Studies Class Raises Hand
WESTWOOD — In last Tuesday’s Introduction to Gender Studies discussion, Brock Price, a 6-foot tall football player, frat brother, and the only man in the […]
Bald Eagle Buys Wig
ROCKPORT, WA — Visitors at the Skagit River Bald Eagle Interpretive Center report spotting a bald eagle flying near the Center wearing a fashionable wig. […]