WESTWOOD — Following the recent authorization of the UAW strike, Chancellor Gene Block has made the executive decision to replace all TAs with the Campus Police Officers who roam Bruinwalk on their funky bicycles. With over ten citations for excessive force, officer Goode Kopp says he cannot wait to put the TA in taser. “Growing up, every aspiring law enforcement officer yearns to blindly follow orders from a morally questionable authority — so this really is a dream come true!” stated Kopp, as he “accidentally” mowed down a group of freshmen in a dismount zone. “I don’t really know if I’m qualified to be leading this astronomy section — but hey, I don’t even know how to use this big ol’ gun, and they still let me be a cop!” At press time, Kopp was reportedly holding office hours at the Los Angeles County Jail.