WESTWOOD — In a red-hot BruinAlert sent out Thursday afternoon, UCLA announced that the Molecular Sciences Building has exploded, and with it, the cure for the fatal disease Ligma. “It’s fucking gone, all of it,” stated devastated research scientist Dr. Candace, who led the team that cured Sugma back in 1969. “We were so close, and now all of our hard work is gone. We’re all going to die.” The Enabler will provide updates when they present themselves, but in the meantime, may God have mercy on our souls.
