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science

Study: Productivity Increases 360% When Chairs Can Swivel All The Way Around

November 20, 2019 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD — Confidently swiveling in all directions to address her audience, project lead Angela Moriarty announced her team’s findings, which conclude that productivity increases 360% […]

Richter Scale Objectifies Earthquakes, Claims California Advocacy Group

October 29, 2019 Ben Robinow 0

SAN FRANCISCO — Following a slew of recent earthquakes, a Bay Area advocacy group demanded the use of the Richter scale be discontinued due to […]

Male Scientists Close To Discovering Clitoris’ Location

August 21, 2019 Joshua Rice 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced Friday that a highly qualified team of male scientists tasked with detailing the […]

Report: Uber Drivers Sentient Beings, Can Hear Your Conversations

August 14, 2019 Han Singer 0

WESTWOOD — A new study by the Semel Institute of Neuroscience found that the flesh blobs in charge of navigating your Ubers can hear your […]

Study: Schrodinger’s Cat Feels Dead and Alive, Experts Diagnose Depression

August 14, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

BERLIN — In a groundbreaking study, a coalition of physicists and mental health experts have designated the simultaneous dead and alive condition of Schrodinger’s Cat […]

Study: Greek Yogurt Not Good Substitute For Lube

April 25, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

LOS ANGELES — Researchers at the Bixby Center of Population and Reproductive Health have found in a recent study that Greek yogurt is not a […]

Area Douchebag Reminds Trump “Pulling Out” Least Reliable Method

June 1, 2017 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Accords, area douchebag Chad Finberry […]

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Study: Water Best Served Lukewarm

March 6, 2016 Jessica Waite 0

NEW YORK – A recent analytical study performed by New York University has revealed that water is best served at the body temperature of your […]

Kinky Lab Rat Likes Being Abused

May 23, 2014 Luke Moran 0

SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]

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