Report: Uber Drivers Can Hear Your Conversations, Are Sentient Beings
WESTWOOD — A new study by the Semel Institute of Neuroscience found that the flesh blobs in charge of navigating your Ubers can hear your […]
science
Study: Schrodinger’s Cat Feels Dead and Alive, Experts Diagnose Depression
BERLIN — In a groundbreaking study, a coalition of physicists and mental health experts have designated the simultaneous dead and alive condition of Schrodinger’s Cat […]
Study: Greek Yogurt Not Good Substitute For Lube
LOS ANGELES — Researchers at the Bixby Center of Population and Reproductive Health have found in a recent study that Greek yogurt is not a […]
Area Douchebag Reminds Trump “Pulling Out” Least Reliable Method
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Accords, area douchebag Chad Finberry […]
Study: Water Best Served Lukewarm
NEW YORK – A recent analytical study performed by New York University has revealed that water is best served at the body temperature of your […]
Kinky Lab Rat Likes Being Abused
SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]