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Articles by Cash Freeman

Opinion: How Can I Help The Homeless If They Don’t Have Venmo?

June 16, 2022 Cash Freeman 0

Yesterday, I was walking back to campus after enjoying a delicious $15 salad at Tendergreens when a homeless man looked right into my eyes and […]

Tell Us Your Zodiac Sign And We’ll Tell You What Tragedy Happened To Your Mom’s Acquaintance Today

June 2, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

Ring, ring, your mom is calling! Is she just saying hi? Or has something terrible happened to someone that you may or may not remember? […]

Hottest Spot For Grad Photos Is Sidewalk Pit Outside Of CVS

May 18, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA seniors are taking their grad photos at the hottest spot in town: the sidewalk pit outside of CVS. “In some ways, it’s […]

Generous Airline Passenger Offers Half Of Armrest In Exchange For Six Hours Of Touching

April 18, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

LAX — Move over, “Miracle on 34th Street,” today there was a miracle in the 34th row: airline passenger and local hero Walt Jones offered […]

Pope Francis Says Homosexuality OK, Lactaid Unnatural

March 11, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

VATICAN CITY — The Catholic Church has publicly amended its long held opposition to homosexuality in favor of condemning the most unnatural of abominations: lactaid. […]

The Girl Boss’s Guide To Discussing Inception Without Ever Watching It

February 23, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

Ready for a movie that you’ll like as much as you hate condoms? Christopher Nolan’s cinematic masterpiece is beloved by film bros everywhere, and soon […]

Rowing Team Wins Diversity Award, As Many As Two Minorities Represented

February 14, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

ORANGE COUNTY, CA — A local rowing club took home the top prize in USRowing’s diversity awards this week in recognition of their melting pot […]

Facebook Rant Strikes Perfect Balance Between “1984” References And Holocaust Comparisons

February 8, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Herb Matthew reached the pinnacle of his Facebook career Tuesday, after his latest rant struck the perfect balance between references to […]

Student Becomes Disability Rights Advocate After His Midterms Shift To In-Person

January 28, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD — A tireless new advocate for disability rights has emerged at UCLA in the form of fourth-year Jordan Jortson, who recently found out his […]

Poli-Sci Major Excommunicated For Playing Devil’s Advocate At Baptism

January 14, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

RANCHO CUCAMONGA — Third-year political science major Brendan O’Neill’s hopes of becoming a Godfather came crashing down last Sunday, when he was forcibly removed from […]

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