Opinion: How Can I Help The Homeless If They Don’t Have Venmo?
Yesterday, I was walking back to campus after enjoying a delicious $15 salad at Tendergreens when a homeless man looked right into my eyes and […]
Articles by Cash Freeman
Tell Us Your Zodiac Sign And We’ll Tell You What Tragedy Happened To Your Mom’s Acquaintance Today
Ring, ring, your mom is calling! Is she just saying hi? Or has something terrible happened to someone that you may or may not remember? […]
Hottest Spot For Grad Photos Is Sidewalk Pit Outside Of CVS
WESTWOOD — UCLA seniors are taking their grad photos at the hottest spot in town: the sidewalk pit outside of CVS. “In some ways, it’s […]
Generous Airline Passenger Offers Half Of Armrest In Exchange For Six Hours Of Touching
LAX — Move over, “Miracle on 34th Street,” today there was a miracle in the 34th row: airline passenger and local hero Walt Jones offered […]
Pope Francis Says Homosexuality OK, Lactaid Unnatural
VATICAN CITY — The Catholic Church has publicly amended its long held opposition to homosexuality in favor of condemning the most unnatural of abominations: lactaid. […]
The Girl Boss’s Guide To Discussing Inception Without Ever Watching It
Ready for a movie that you’ll like as much as you hate condoms? Christopher Nolan’s cinematic masterpiece is beloved by film bros everywhere, and soon […]
Rowing Team Wins Diversity Award, As Many As Two Minorities Represented
ORANGE COUNTY, CA — A local rowing club took home the top prize in USRowing’s diversity awards this week in recognition of their melting pot […]
Facebook Rant Strikes Perfect Balance Between “1984” References And Holocaust Comparisons
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Herb Matthew reached the pinnacle of his Facebook career Tuesday, after his latest rant struck the perfect balance between references to […]
Student Becomes Disability Rights Advocate After His Midterms Shift To In-Person
WESTWOOD — A tireless new advocate for disability rights has emerged at UCLA in the form of fourth-year Jordan Jortson, who recently found out his […]
Poli-Sci Major Excommunicated For Playing Devil’s Advocate At Baptism
RANCHO CUCAMONGA — Third-year political science major Brendan O’Neill’s hopes of becoming a Godfather came crashing down last Sunday, when he was forcibly removed from […]