This Year, Gene Block Is Thankful You Haven’t Heard About The Mold Yet

WESTWOOD — As Thanksgiving approaches and the UCLA community undergoes the largest strike in recent history, Gene Block is grateful for your ignorance of the mold lurking in all the places you live, work, and eat. “You think the people are angry now? Just think of what would happen if they knew how rapidly the spores multiply!” said Chancellor Block, hard at work on a hand turkey for the administration’s Thanksgiving bulletin board. “Sometimes I hear that students are claiming ‘the vibes are off’ because of the position of the planets, and I just thank god they don’t suspect that it’s because the vibes are off underneath every tile and carpet square on campus.” At press time, Block was drafting a just-in-case press release about how the increased moisture from picket line chanting caused a sudden and shocking uptick in toxic mold.

About Gabby Bromberg 22 Articles
After watching Rachel Brosnahan pretending to be a Jewish comedian in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Gabby thought someone should do that for real.